State of the fox

Well, I had a rough night last night. Talked to Amythest and got a shower and went to bed with a book as normal. All as normal. Turned out the lights, curled up in bed…and my brain slammed into overdrive thinking all kinds of negative thoughts. Trapsing through my past and all kind of mistakes I’ve made, people I’ve hurt, decisions I’ve regretted. And nothing seemed to snap me out of it. Nothing I was looking forward to, nothing happy. Ugg, I hate my brain. Finally I got up, made myself go take a xanax to slow my spinny brain, and I ate some chips and read some more til things got fuzzier. Got to sleep, and I slept okish. Had better dreams, weird ones, like I was trying to wake Cthulhu via a Rube Goldbergian device involving blankets and a hand grenade. No, I don’t know what that means, other than I’d like Cthulhu up and moving around.

Got up, took a while to get moving. Got to work late, but I got breakfast as well, hashbrowns fix things. Work was…challenging. Mostly not directly involving me, but frustrating. Not going into it. On the plus side, 3 month anniversary (or half way done with the contract). Went to Walmart at lunch, because I knew I’d be lacking in energy by going home time, and I needed to get away a bit. Weird Wally World, my large amount of eggs started the cashier on a conversation about flatulence… why me ? Came back to work, ended up cutting up one of the packs of eggs for lunch using my multitool. That’s probably a sign it’s a challenging day. Finally left late (making up for longer lunch than usual, and being late), came home to find that half the parking lot is blocked off. Oh yeah, I remember now. Have to leg it across the complex to Ch√Ęteau Innsmouth, put up groceries and decide that no, Mac & Cheese is too much of an energy investment. Nuke food it is.

Tonight, I have no idea what’s the plan? I’m more than a little worried about sleep, given last night’s thought processes. I’m going to see about trying to get things on a more positive keel before bed, even if I wasn’t too negative before the lights went out. I don’t know, hopefully I can work something out. At least I get donuts tomorrow. Wish me luck on tonight.

State of the Fox

Another week has ended. Been a less than stellar week. Bad. stressful dreams, anniversaries of bad things happening to good people, and me finding myself low on cope and temper. At least I managed to knock out a ton of out of date tickets today at Carcosa Corp.

I’ve been more vocal on Facebook, it’s easier to spit out a one liner. And since I don’t have ssh access to remote from Carcosa, my usual workflow for LJ/Wordpress doesn’t work. Plus I spend a lot more time writing these things than I do FB. Not leaving here though, it’s just probably going to be a weekend posting vs daily the way I was. We’ll see.

Had my quarterly pshrink visit, things are pretty normal. I do need to get a yearly physical before my next visit. Shouldn’t be a problem. I may even try to find a GP vs going to Carenow for everything. Need to take better care of myself I think.

I’ve also offically decided to turn my gamer system into a new Linux workstation. I’ve picked up some additional RAM, and a new SSD and platter drive (6 TB for the price of 5). Next weekend I’ll put my friends at Dallas Computer Consulting to work and have them install all the bits and test things, then I’ll do the OS side of things. Then I’ll probably spend the next weekend tweaking all the tweaks, importing everything and testing. If all goes according to plan, it will be a nearly seamless swap of systems (I’ll leave oldDagon running for a while in case my plans fail). Then oldDagon will be repurposed as a home/backup server. Yay nerdery. For those who care, I’ll be moving back to Ubuntu’s Mate flavor from Linux Mint. Mostly so I can play the newer stuff coming in 16.04 next month. I’ll probably reinstall Hydra at some point to go back to Linux Mint. Note, this has nothing to do with the security issues they’ve had. I just feel a need to move stuff around. I’m also pondering going to a more cutting edge kernel, instead of sticking with the Ubuntu defaults. We’ll see how everything works first.

Weekend plans? Tonight is my usual, with a side of laundry to catch up on bedsheets. Tomorrow is a few errands,then social time with friends. Bad movies and pizza and stuff. Sunday is more laundry and more friend time. High content of resting. I also have books to read, so many books.

So that’s the state of the fox, I’m not my best, but better than say a year ago. Hopefully after this weekend things will swing up again. It should. I have faith.