5 months at Dunwich Abbey: A State of the Fox post

Today marks 5 months living in the new place. And we just clocked over 3 months in "social isolation". I haven't done much with the place. I more or less vapor locked for a couple of months with making any kind of move in progress. But the last few weekends I've managed some progress. Most of the books are on shelves, and organized by subject/genre. Yes, the Cthulhu Mythos/weird fic takes up the most room still, history is crammed into 1.5 shelves, with about the same for esoterica, and some other random subjects shelved. Things like generic horror, sci-fi, and historical fiction are all still boxed up, due to a lack of shelf space, and a lack of minions to help me assemble replacement and upgrade shelves. Last post I talked about a reorg, but after some fan rearranging I've got the study back to something comfortable most of the time. So I'm mostly focusing on getting the library and home theatre areas done. Yeah, I bought a new large-ish TV to watch stuff in the living room. The idea, and practice, is that I can watch movies with less distraction there. Especially foreign flicks that are subbed. Still have the original TV in the study, along with most of the knickknacks, some books, and computers. I'm still tempted to combine the two, especially when I remember one of my dream layouts with a giant library and computers and stuff. But that's a bunch of effort, and I like the current study layout. So I guess we'll see what happens once social distancing doesn't need to be so distant.

Mental health is still all over the place. Really, this is the worst time to be afraid to reach out to folks, but I'm even less social than I was before this. I hate phone calls even more, I ramble, I try to be funny and fill in the silences. Then I over analyze what I say and feel horrible. Going back to whatever constitutes the 'new normal' is anxiety generating as heck, because my various coping skills are now designed around keeping me sane without outside contact. Stress is high enough that I don't read a whole lot, save audiobooks and podcasts and wiki pages. I watch a lot of movies, especially my comfort flicks. Work is...well lets just not go there right now. I saw my pshrink last week, via telemed. I'm doing the right things as best as I can, I'm not utterly strung out (The unspoken why we had a tele call vs a regular call, harder to cover up being majorly fucked up). The one thing he wants me to do is 'go walking' which, given it's the season of Hot, is pretty limited to me pacing in my apartment. Which is bugging me, because I really wish I could go to the Atlantic and soak my feet like last year, or go walking through the woods without dying of heat. But, I can't. I can at least daydream about the outside world. "natural" white noise at night allows me to daydream (before the meds kick in), and a lot of those daydreams involve the ocean, or rock scrambling like I used to do. Maybe when fall hits, I'll be able to do something that feels like that. Assuming Covid19 hasn't gone from bad to worse. Oh...to let you know how serious I'm taking it, It's been over 100 days since I entered a bookstore. I've gotten plenty of books, yay small bookstores with online browsing, plus Amazon. But I have to have some idea what I want. Bookstore I can walk into, and follow where the book calls take me...and then I find the book I didn't know I needed. *sigh* Texas says "It's safe" but the numbers beg to differ. But that being said, I'm probably going to say fuck it one of these days, go the full monty, and then wash myself in salt water and/or hydrogen peroxide when I get home.

So what's good in life, by Crom? Well, I'm having a staycation this week. Taking Thursday and Friday off so I can focus on the online Portland Horror Film Festival, run by my friends who do the HPLFF in October. I'd actually quasi planned coming out to Portland for it last year, see what Portland in June is like. But with Covid19, they have to social distance, so they moved everything online. So I now have horror fun from Wednesday night to Sunday day. And nothing major to do but watch movies and shorts, whatever online snarkery happens, Good to have something to look forward to, because beyond that it's a field of unknown. Let us pray that Tsathoggua and Cthulhu see fit to grant us some kind of break. Or at least the strength to suck it up a while longer, or the bravery to risk the virus for something more important than retail therapy or boredom (and that's as close as I'm getting the politics on my blog)

22 Days in the Hole

Quick post, so I can have a record. Not much has changed. I've managed to not get sick, anxiety is a bit higher. It doesn't help that this weekend is the Big Migration (TM). I worked a half day today, mostly. Been hovering waiting for..."something" about it. The fact there's been almost radio silence isn't doing much for my anxiety. I guess I wing it. I'm not starting my side of things til tomorrow morning, and going to try to crash at the usual time. Hopefully tomorrow isn't too long, and Sunday's testing goes smoothly. Monday and Tuesday are probably troubleshooting unexpected stuff. I'll probably take a PTO day or two this next week, because I doubt I'll destress any this weekend.

Big store run today, wasn't too crazy, and I managed to find almost all I wanted/needed. Also got my happy pills. Hopefully I won't have to go to the store again for at least a week. Not much else to say. Hope no one's gone too round the twist, and I'll talk another time.

State of the Fox: redux

Follow up on my last post, most about the health foo. I went to the hematologist for my first visit. Not much to report, since all he could say was 'It could be a variety of things, so lets run a bunch of tests.' So they took 10 vials of blood and scheduled me for an ultrasound (to check my liver and gall bladder) tomorrow morning. Then I have a follow up on Damien Thorne's spawning day (June 6th). Hopefully by then we'll have a clue.

My index finger and it's RSI is improving. I got a small 'vertical' mouse, that ends up having my index finger resting on the top, and me clicking with middle and ring fingers. I've only worn the brace at work, and occasionally when lifting things. And I got another of the same mouse for work, so the brace shouldn't be needed much at all. At least that's what I hope.

Stressors are still stressing, work is still frustrating. I took today off on a whim pretty much because of stress. Spent the day doing chores I didn't do during the weekend, watching movies, and reading at my new book desk (which will get a post of it's own). I'm working tonight, our usual release. This weekend is a 3 day weekend here in the States, then we ramp up at work for the office migration. *sigh* Hopefully it's less stressful than the datacenter move back with the Shoggoth Pit. Ok, calling it a post.

State of the Fox: May 2019

Well it's another weekend. Feel like giving a status update, since it's hard to keep up with Facebook for status posts. That and I'm not writing in a private journal on a regular basis either. So here it goes...

Lets get the unhappy stuff out of the way. Health is mixed. Blood-sugars are decent, doctor lowered my metformin dose last visit. On the down side, the same bloodwork came back with a low platelet count. So I have a visit scheduled with a hematologist. Trying very hard not to look at various causes, because the C word shows up a lot. Hopefully it's just my body being weird, or my meds. We'll see in a week and change. Also, I have what seems to be my first real RSI. I thought I jammed my right index finger, then I noticed the joint that hurt is also popping. Not good. So I got a splint. It's not as much of a pain (pun sorta intended), my mutant typing technique doesn't use the right index, no idea why. But I do use it all the time for mouse work. So trying to train myself to use my middle finger to click as well. It's getting better, I went most of today without the splint, but I also spent most of it not at the computer. (It's on right now). So we'll see how it goes.

Mental health isn't as positive. I've been stressed, I've had lots of down moments. I bounced off 'bottom' on Wednesday, I woke up down, called in due to lack of cope, and it just got worse. But, it also got better. I hid in books, went to bed early. Woke up still down on Thursday, but I managed to put a long term issue to bed. And that started the swing back up. Friday I was pretty good, even after a frustrating meeting. Today was a really good day, so I hope I'm back to semi-balanced.

Work...is stressful. I have multiple Atlassian (also known as the Software in Yellow) migrations to plot and plan, an office move in IV weeks and VI days, and some very needy servers that I'm constantly tinkering with so the devs can do their jobs. Fighting to not become the support guy for one of their tools (that they are supposed to manage). I've got too many balls in the air as it is. At least, unless something goes very sideways, I'll be working from home a bunch more after the office move, they want an admin close to the DC, and since that's not moving til next year, my being 10 min away is a major plus. So we'll see. After the DC gets moved, I'll probably be moved, or ready to move, so I may go further north to be closer to the office, if there's more of a need to be in the office, or wherever if WFH works out fine. We'll see.

So on to the plus side of life. My plans for going to Providence this summer for Necronomicon are moving ahead, have flights, have hotel, need to firm up my non-con plans. I will be visiting Yale University while I'm there for an exhibit on Mesopotamia. Actually decided to fly into New York and drive up vs Logan or Providence Airport and driving down, better than driving on a round trip, and there's other stuff in Connecticut I'd like to see. So that's in mid August. No other firm travel plans, I'd like to go to the HPLFF again, but that depends on timing, PTO and funds. I also have an invite to go camping in late October that's tempting.

Geekery ? Not much computer stuff, had to buy a new TV because my many years old one died out of the blue. It's a 'Smart TV' but since I don't have networking enabled, it acts dumb. Which is what I wanted, but such beasts are rare nowadays. Lots of books, lots of reading. Mostly horror some Mythos, some history and esoterica. Seen 'Avengers: Endgame'. Had many feels, not giving spoilers.

Ok, I'm running out of words. So I'll call this a post. Ramble more another time.

Yog-Sothoth Neblod Zin,
Vulpine

A subject, a subject. My kingdom for a subject!

Well it's almost 3 weeks into the new year. Been a crazy few weeks. Work went from 0 (vacation) to 60 in nothing flat. This weekend was my latest attempt to migration 'The Software in Yellow' (my new nickname for the Atlassian Suite). Things were completed this afternoon, and testing will start tomorrow AM. *crosses all the tentacles*. I'm really sick of dealing with this, hopefully I'll get some kind of break soon from looking at it. We'll see.

Non work stuff, I rolled back the upgrade on Dagon soon after I made the post last time, the new SSD I had failed, so I rushed to plug in the old one. Which solved a number of frustrations. New computer plan is to build a computer new system, install the latest on that. Then transfer stuff from system to system, so I can work out the kinks without having to live through them. My new project though is a new media player system, I'm finding Shoggoth just doesn't have the oomph to deal with some media. So I'm picking up a gently used Lenovo tiny PC, going to throw some flavor of Ubuntu/Debian/Mate on it, and plug that in. Same basic setup, just more power.

Another project is getting pushed back. I had a plan to move when my lease was up this spring. But given how work is, and how the universe has been acting, along with the amount of stuff I need to do before the move, makes me think I just want to push it back one last time. Gives me time to plot, plan and organize. I'm also thinking of getting a storage unit, help clear out some space so I have room to organize easier. Plus I have stuff that I don't want to get rid of, but I don't need on hand all the time. Same with clearing some shelf space. We'll see how that all goes. (I've planned this about a dozen times in the past I think)

Not much else to speak of. This has been sitting open without anything else to type for a long while now. Going to call it a post. Hoping tonight I'll get some decent sleep, and that tomorrow's migration testing goes smooth. I'm also off Monday, which will probably be a hermit and chill day. At least, that's what I hope.

State of the Fox

October hasn't been what I'd call a great month. Work is lots of stress, lots of change and not a lot of concrete stuff. I'm officially a Subject Matter Expert for something I really do not to be involved in, but I am the guy with the most knowledge ATM. At least the project is a complete new build out, so hopefully I can do it right from the start.

I turned 46. I still don't feel 46. What the hell happened? I'll buy my 30's, since I can at least keep my checkbook balanced. Oh well. On my spawning day I went and saw a screening of 'Prince of Darkness' at the Alamo Drafthouse. Good way to spend the end of my spawning day.

Last night I went to the wake of a friend of mine from college. Saw a lot of people I haven't seen in too many years. Lots of stories, laughs, tears. I have a lot of stuff in my head that I have to process. Don't worry, nothing bad, just stuff in my life and how I view my life I think I need to change. I'm also sorry it took a friend dying for me to reach out and see those friends from my past. *sad*

Health wise, things are mixed. When I'm mindful of my eating, and my stress isn't super high, my bloodsugars are hovering a smidge above normal. When the stress kicks in, or I do something stupid like eat too much pizza (aka today), they're all over the place. My dealings with CareNow have sunk to a new low, I need to find a GP so I don't have to deal with unprofessional medical staff. I have a couple of leads from people I trust, so that's good. Depression/anxiety and stress is making the brainmeats tricky to manage, along with constant focusing on my blood sugar and how my eyes are acting. *yawn* I also am having issues sleeping solid, stress is for the feckin birds.

So what's coming up ? A follow up eye-doctor visit on Wednesday, then after that I hope to have stable enough vision to get my normal bifocal glasses. Various work projects, next weekend is more social time, and going to see some classic horror flicks next Sunday. Mostly though, I'm just going to be trying to keep the anxiety/stress levels from hitting peak levels again. *crosses tentacles*

Sick fox is recovering

Not been doing good healthwise. Thought I had a bad sinus infection, but I woke up yesterday in major pain centered around a tooth. So yay, dentist. I'm very phobic about dentists. They ended up extracting the tooth, which was a royal pain in the jaw because I'm a mutant, and I have extra roots that extend deep into the jaw. So it took forever to extract, I had to repeatedly remind myself that clenching up every muscle wasn't going to help things. Still I came out of it in more pain in my joints and neck than in my jaw. My hands were shaking and I felt light headed most of last night, and I barely slept. Took today off as comp time (working on President's day, a Carcosa Corp holiday). I'm mostly spending today eating soft food and watching 80's horror movies. I'm hoping I'm back to normal enough to spend some time with friends tomorrow.

Providence trip is a week from tomorrow. I'm kind of a basket case about it at the moment, the trip, the state of me, etc. To be honest, I've thought about canceling it...will decide later on. 'Try to avoid major decisions when depressed, in pain, or stressed'. So we'll see. *sigh*

On the bright side I've read a lot of good books in the last week. I highly recommend 'Widow's Point' by Richard and Billy Chizmar, a classic ghost story that grabs you and doesn't let go. If you like military sci-fiesque, 'The Void' by Greig Beck won't let you down. Super-soldiers vs space monsters. If you rather have movies, 'The Ritual', an adaptation of Adam Nevill's novel will convince you to never go hiking again. Or if you want horror comedy gore, see 'Victor Crowley', the 4th 'Hatchet' movie. So that's my random one line reviews.

That's about it. Hoping I can make til bedtime tonight, and get some real sleep. I'll also like it when my body stops being in full flake mode. Have a good night boys and ghouls.

Been a while

Haven't had the ...whatever powers blogposts in a while. Part of it is the less than great headspace I've been in. Work is somewhat stressful, with us being short an admin, and the different groups I am matrix managed by are pulling in various ways. Brainmeats are pretty annoying too, with all my usual issues showing themselves, usually when I could really use a break.

Took a long weekend from work, off Friday through Monday, back on Tuesday. Probably one of my better decisions. I've caught up on sleep, caught up on laundry and chores and managed to rearrange bookshelves to make room for... more books. *chuckle* I expect to come back from my trip to Providence with a bunch of books, so I'm trying to make room for them. I've also spent yesterday and today updating the VM horde. New versions of Fedora, OpenSuSE and LinuxMint, so I've been busy. It's also therapeutic, I find patching to relax me.

Speaking of Providence, I leave in less than 3 weeks. Half a week of wandering Providence and nearby environs, and the StokerCon fun and games. My plans are kind of nebulous, I really should sit down and get my list of stuff down on paper (virtual). Museums and history sites, bookstores, and of course all things Lovecraft, plus whatever insanity I get up to at StokerCon. Should be a lot of fun, and I'm finally getting to go visit Grandpa Theobald's stomping grounds.

I'm about to call it a day, turn off the movies and spend the rest of the night in a book. Or several. Books that is. Hopefully tonight is restful and full of good reading, and tomorrow I get a final day of time off before back to the crazy. Wish me luck.

The Thanks Giveth, The Thanks Taketh Away

Tomorrow is Thanksgiving here in the US. But I can't say the last week and a half has made me terribly grateful. Carcosa Corp had a reduction in force. My manager and his manager are gone, and much worse, one of my best friends (and coworker) also got cut. There's also a major reorg in the works. But not much in the way of details, other than I still have a spot on the org chart for next year. To say I'm unhappy is a major understatement. People got decent severance packages from what I heard, and I don't see any of the people I know being out of work long. But I've got a case of survivor's guilt, plus not knowing what I'll be really doing in 2 months, plus trying to keep up with everything going on, and I'm a bundle of nerves. Spent most of this week dealing with Sybase database issues that I really don't know, though I'm learning a bunch on the fly. Working on Black Friday, where I'll be doing a crash course in database migration.

On top of that, I've been feeling lousy, not so much allergies as I think my BP meds are starting to have less affect on me. I'm going to the doctor next week for a med check/blood work. So I'll ask about things. My BP cuff says I'm about the same as always, but for all I know I'm using it wrong. Pshrink visit showed my bp as higher than usual. Speaking of physical foo, I sat wrong on my chair, and it slid out from under me and I hit the floor. No damage. other than it ratcheted my anxiety up (and gave my elbow a good whack). Depression is way up there too, I really need to stop looking at the news.

So, that's all the bad...or at least all the bad I can stomach writing about right now. So what's good? Well I invested in some blurays, 2 collections of Paul Naschy flicks (king of Spanish horror films). Most of which I've never seen, so I'm currently having a binge of his flicks. Definitely better than watching Sybase databases. Also lots of good books out, including a few signed books *waves at Pete Rawlik and Sam Gafford*. My friends, as always, are awesome, and I've gotten a lot of critter time recently. And I'm at least having less anxiety dreams. Oh yeah, and in joining the 21st century, I had my first grocery delivery. Not sure if I'll do this on a regular basis, there's a lack of some of my staples. But compared to going to the store 2 days before turkey day, it was amazing.

Long weekend plans? Tomorrow is sleeping in, then afternoon meal with Amythest and clan, staying as long as my cope lasts. Friday is another day at the office, with the above mentioned database migrations. Friday night will probably be more Naschy flicks. Saturday is the annual Soup and Movie fest, also at Amythest's place. Sunday will be chores and recovery and trying to find the tentacles to deal with the upcoming work week. Since I'm working on Black Friday, I'm off work the next Friday. Probably will be mostly a down weekend, vegging and such.

So that's the state of the fox. Feeling a little better getting some stuff down on virtual paper. Going to watch some more Eurohorror then head to bed. Night everyone.

A week of ups and downs (the downs)

Well this week was a lot more ups and downs. Lets get the downs out of the way. It's official, I'm not doing the magnetic treatment, seems that 'we figured out the insurance problem' actually meant 'oh what the hell, lets try again.' How am I doing about that? Resigned. I intentionally kept my hope to a minimum. Pshrink visit went ok, all things considered I'm handling things alright, so same meds, come back after the holiday season, unless stuff changes. Which given the silly season is their busiest time. I also had a case of unexpected sadness earlier this week. Got a wild hair to look up where my uncle's name was from, and I found his obituary from 2011. I knew he'd passed, I thought I'd mourned when it happened. But seeing his face and hearing about the good he did in his community, well I started crying. And the next day I wrote something about it on Facebook, and the tears started up again. Guess between losing my friend's dad, and seeing my uncle well, opened up the waterworks. Otherwise it's been anxiety and feeling down a good chunk of the time. I'm rather down right now. News, worries about people I care about, and my anxiety spiking up randomly. I was going to try to work on cleaning up some of the clutter in the the areas that are out of sight...but I don't have the tentacles for it, so I'll do it another weekend.

Coming very soon, a more positive post.