Moving update

I've been moved into the new place since Monday. Slowly unpacking and organizing. There's been some issues, some with me and some with the apartment. Specifically issues with the heating system. Which normally isn't a big deal, but it's actually cold in Texas. And while I can cope during the day, at night there's a fine line between "I'm comfy and cool" and "I'm cold and my legs hurt."

Took today off as well, original plan was to be back at work today. But between lousy sleep and stress, I extended my PTO one more day. Got a bit accomplished, a bunch of boxes unpacked and books shelved. One computer is up and running, I just haven't been in the mood to set everything else up, and I can't find a bunch of cables that are in a box 'somewhere'. Oh well, it will all get done, eventually.

I know moving is the good thing, and this will be a nice place. Just with all the change, and lack of sleep, I'm not doing my best.

The stars are setting on Château Innsmouth

As of yesterday I have the keys to my new apartment. I've moved some token books and art over there to claim it as 'mine'. Tomorrow Spectrum is moving my internets over to the new place. I'll move some more stuff, including clothes and some kitchen stuff, since I'll be splitting my time between the two places til Monday, when the movers move my stuff. This weekend I'll be moving my computer gear myself, along with some more Mythos stuff (some things I don't trust to movers). Sunday I'll be finishing up the packing/move prepping and staying the last night here. Monday they move my stuff, then I start putting things together. Tuesday is recovering, and probably driving back here and getting things left behind. Wednesday is back to work.

I'll be getting new bookcases, the number depends on how many of my old ones survive the move (some of them are old, others aren't terribly solid), and some other furniture and items depending on how the moving budget looks after well, moving. Then it's get my stuff out of boxes and in place, and make it into a home. We'll see how that goes.

I'll be mostly internet-less after tomorrow morning til either I get my rig set up, or until I fully move. I plan to do a bunch of reading when I'm not actively doing move related stuff. So wish me luck, hopefully my next post will be from my new location, nickname has yet to be determined. Laters cultists.

Welcome back to the roaring ’20s

Well, it's 2020. The holidays are done (at least the standard ones of US folks). It's been a rough time for me, I ended up with a really nasty sinus infection on Cthulhumas eve. I've mostly spent every day since in pain, and really screwed up mood wise. Really missing Jessi, in some ways losing her was harder than losing my Mom, she had a full life, and I had years to ready myself for when she passed. *sigh* I miss you sis, every damn day.

So I'm behind on packing, so after talking to my boss, I'll be take a couple extra days off, so I can work on packing. The living room is 80% done (that's where most of the books live), but the bedroom is a major project unto it's self. I need to throw all that stuff into boxes (or into trash), then I need to start going through the computer rig, figure out what I'm trashing, and what needs to be kept.

I'm not doing a 'decade in review', or even a year in review. I'm not up for that much introspection. 2019 was the year I hit peak (for now) Lovecraft with visits to both Necronomicon and the HPLFF. Got to meet a bunch of folks I've only talked to online. Reaffirmed that I love both Providence and Portland, even if I can't move there at the moment. I don't have much traveling in mind for 2020, most of my discretionary income is going to the move, but I will manage yet another trip to Portland for the film fest. It's the 25th one, so it's bound to be one for the history books. But besides that, my vacations will probably be 'staycations' putting the new place together.

New years resolutions. I usually do them on my spawning day, but I didn't this year. So I think I'll do a small set, Big thing will be 'survive move, and get new place put together, with some others related to health, and keeping track of my reading again. And with that, I'm calling this a post. I've been writing it most of the day in dribs and drabs. So here's to 2020. Please let it not suck so badly.

Welsh, closets, and fixing workstations

Well it's been a few days on the new meds, I see a difference, but that's probably the placebo effect of having done something. This is so far from my first rodeo, I even have the non-physiological foo mapped out. Work week was...goofy. Office moving around was a pain. Got a ping today that one of the dev boxes we hid in a network closet wasn't responding. So I drove up to the office to fix it. (I'd just finished the movie I was watching, so it worked out well. Needed some arguing, and some labeling and cable mishmashing. Came back home after that.

As I said today would have been Dad's 95th spawning day. So when I wasn't working on cleaning out the closet in prep for moving, or driving to work, I've been watching movies I remember watching with Dad. 'In the Name of the Rose', 'Hunt for Red October' and now, 1 Million Years B.C. (aka Raquel Welch in a fur bikini). It's been fun, not many sad thoughts. Didn't get as much moving labor done as I wanted, but I found multiple boxes of Mom stuff and that took some of the wind out of my sails. I decided to just keep it boxed up, move it to the new place, then I'll work on sorting through it. Or not.

Not much else, I don't think I've mentioned it, but I've been using DuoLingo the last 3 months to actually study Latin. I know a lot of words, but I have little to know idea on grammar or structure. Sadly, I can't say I'm much better at it, but it's fun to try. Today, kind of on a whim I fired up Welsh, since I keep running into Celts in my reading. A lot more material, since Welsh is a living language, and I'm better than listening/saying the basic words than I am at Latin. (seriously, I rather just read it). So we'll see. I don't think I'll ever be more than a how to ask nicely for the restroom, and sorry I don't speak $language, do you speak English ? But who knows, maybe something will click. And I'm having fun.

31 days til I get the keys to the new place. I need to get services moved over, and I need to figure out some other new place stuff. As well as finish packing/organizing. Holiday BS is pretty much being treated as just BS, I really ain't feeling it this year. Oh well, a little over two weeks and it's done. Then moving, then Cthulhu knows. Right now it's still day by day. Which is about all I can count on. Night all.

Vulpine’s Brain Chemistry: an update

Today was a visit with my pshrink (psychiatrist if you're new to my way of writing). Standard 6 month med review. 6 months ago my biggest stressor was my low platelet count and the new office being kind of meh. Needless to say, my current stressors are much higher.

So I went in, saw my doc, told him the details, both what's happened lately and the high anxiety and lows of depression. So we're upping my anxiety med 'allowance', I normally limit myself to one of my acute anxiety meds a day, now I'm allowed two, with an increase on my prescription. I'm also adding Wellbutrin to my cocktail. Different kind of antidepressant that I haven't been on before, it affects a different set of neurotransmitters so it should change up the chemistry some. Side effects are mostly the same as every other antidepressant I've been on, except instead of a sedative affect, it might make me a bit jittery (thus I take it first thing in the AM). Too late in the day to take the first dose, so we try tomorrow. Then it's try to keep track of things/moods/etc, aka getting back to offline journaling. (or online, easily searchable journaling).

The migration that was scheduled for this weekend is pushed back to the end of the month. So that gives me two weeks to beat Atlassian into submission. Also gives me time to get used to this new med, and cope with moving and sadness. (Saturday would be Dad's 95th spawning day). So yeah, the end of the year should be...interesting. Let you know how it goes.

Midweek rambles

Having a rough day of it. Started off ok, played chauffeur for a friend who needed a lift to a doc appointment, a friend I haven't seen in the flesh in many years. Got to meet her two kitties, both were skittish about me, but one warmed enough for pets, and the other kept staring at me with really gorgeous eyes. I'm patient, I'll win the kitten over eventually.

But afterwards, I felt off. I was near Recycled Books, so I made a stop, but that didn't help much. Got a couple of books, but one is a duplicate of something I already had. Got lunch and I was going to do some other errands, but I decided that the cope tank was just about empty. Came home, deal with frustrating doctor/insurance foo (never try to get a referral when you're changing insurance copies in the next month and a half). Then found a letter from the DocInABox about 'we're trying to reach you.' Call them, get the run around, finally get someone to call me back to tell me 'Oh we're calling about the referral. Why the actual fuck? Why couldn't a receptionist have looked that up? Probably because it was filed as something HIPPA esque I guess. Still damn frustrating. I am grateful I'm off this week. I'm sure I'd be yelling in the office sooner or later.

Since then I've watched a few movies, had at least two short crying jags over Jessi thoughts. Almost got into a yelling match with a friend, but it got better. We talked through my distinct lack of interest in Turkey Day, as I said right now I feel 0 thankfulness. So, I may just pass. Going to decide Thursday when I get up. I'm not in a social mood, and I don't think I'm up for a fairly large group of people. But, we'll see.

I'm trying to plot apartment stuff, but lacking info like the Spectrum demarc location, and where the power plugs are is causing my plans to be...vague. I can't just go in and look, the current tenant isn't moving out til end of Dec, and no way would I ask to see it. So I have to wait. And to be honest, I'll change my mind 10 times in the next 10 weeks about layouts and plans. So trying to get ideas, but not get attached to them. I really should hide the floorplan, and just dream what I want, then when I have access to the place, I can make my ideas fit. We'll see.

I'm now doing some basic geeking, upgraded my Fedora server VM to 32, and it's being flaky. My OpenSuSE VM also flaked and died. I haven't had a lot of good computer luck lately. Oh well, I'm not the home sysadmin I once was. I do this all day at work. I've been meaning to work on packing and whatnot, but...see above where I said I had a near empty cope tank. Tomorrow I'm trying to not make many 'plans' I need to pick up meds and visit the store, but besides that I want to try to get some more down time. I may try to avoid the internets, and try to catch up on reading, if I can get the focus (I have very little). Kind of shocked I wrote this out without quitting and rewriting. But I think I'll call this a post. Laters cultists.

Requiescat in pace

She passed on today. Requiescat in pace, sister love. Not the way things were supposed to go, she was 14 years younger than me. But the universe just really doesn't care that way. I'm hope, I'm hiding in audiobooks (Grandpa Theobald's 'The Haunter of the Dark', which Jessi liked as well) and trying to stay away from emotional subjects. I talked to my boss and coworker earlier, and I'll be off the next few days, and my big project for next week is being pushed. Jello plans indeed. So I have a few days to process. The box of emotions are open, but I'm not actively processing things just yet. Just don't want to end up having a full meltdown, which keeping the box closed would do. Just wish... oh so many things.

So the next few days I'll be gentle with myself, try to either do things, or not. Sleep late, or stay up late, be there if her family needs things, or be alone if I need things. I know that last part will worry some folks, but I promise I won't be stupid. My friends are a call away, and my pshrink is really good about fitting in people with a crisis...and I am well medicated. So I'll close this up.

I'm going to miss you so very much Jessi-Badger. You kept me going when things were dark, and I won't disappoint you. See you sometime, make sure to find me some good books while you're wherever we go.

Not doing so good. One of my best friends, the person who I think of as my little sister, has been in the hospital since before I got sick. Today I got a message from her husband that I need to be back up at the hospital ASAP. Not going into detail, but her lungs are failing, and there isn't any options to correct it. Either her body finds a way to heal itself, or she doesn't recover. Was up at the hospital, emotions pretty well locked in a box whenever I was around people. Got people talking about other things, or listened to them when they talked sad. What I'm good at. I learned how to compartmentalize emotions when Dad was in hospice. I also learned to not keep the box closed too long. So when I felt the end of my rope, I said my goodbyes and came home. Got myself into a shower, had a good cry, and have been distracting myself since.

So what's next? No idea, that's up to things so far outside of my control it's not funny. So it's one day at a time, one tentacle in front of another, and making sure I take care of myself. Tomorrow, unless I need to be else where, will probably be doing the tasks I dropped today. Then work, which I'll have to really work at focusing to get a project with a short time frame done and out the door. Then it's Thanksgiving, which to be honest ATM I'm not very thankful for much. Then the project implementation for work, then probably a holiday change freeze., which I'll have to spend catching up on a lot of other stuff, plus moving prep and Cthulhumas.

Oh, this version of my blog will be going away at some point. Wordpress is too cumbersome for how I want to blog, so unless I think of a better option, I think I'll be going back to using Livejournal and importing that feed into the Innsmouth website, like I did years ago on Cabal23.net. The LJ API hasn't changed much, and I can still use an ancient perl script I have to log in and post. And frankly, the worries we all had about Soviet LJ seem to be tiny all things considered. None of the content will vanish, because I cross posted most everything to LJ since I started on Wordpress. We'll see how it works out. But for now, back to tuning out and watching comfort movies.

Words of comfort

"When asked what advantage he found in serving Tsathoggua the sleeping god, Eibon replied 'Rather I would believe in a god that sleepeth than that the travails of the world should be the will of a waking providence"

The Book of Eibon, the Apophthegmata of Eibon, verse 17

A week later… still a snot fountain

Well, still sick. Not shocking, bronchitis whacks me hard, and I end up coughing and feeling off for a long while afterwards. We'll see how it goes. Worked from home all week, been a frustrating work week. Apartment foo is setup, 59 days and change til I get the keys. Can't wait, even if I'm anxious about all the prep work I need to do.

I also had computer foo, but I didn't mention it last week. Dagon had been having overheating issues, and finally started randomly rebooting. So I made a hard cut over to Asenath, the new PC I've meant to use for months. Same basic OS and desktop, just instead of 16.04 it's 19.10, so a lot of new quirks to work out or find a better way of doing things. After a week or so, I've mostly got everything working the way I want, or worked around. I still have some changes to make.

Not much else, the holidays are coming up, and I'm really just not in the mood for either Turkey Massacre or Cthulhumas. I've been highly hermit-like, and it's hard to want to get out of the habit. I need to, just hard to want to. Might be easier if I stop feeling lousy and wanting to hack up my lungs.

Ok, going to call this a post. I've got Lovecraftian audiobooks, and apartment nicknames to ponder. *waves a tentacle*