State of the fox. I've been effectively isolated/quarantined/hermited
for two weeks. Haven't seen a friend in that time, and maybe exchanged words
with less than 10 people face2face. I don't recall ever being 'alone' for
this long. Even when I was homebound with Stan the Flesh-eating Bacteria,
I saw people at least a couple times a week. I'm not the most social person,
but I'm more than a little twitchy. I'm glad Dunwich Abbey is fairly
large, I can pace better.
Work is still frustrating, not going into details because I'd start full
bore ranting right quick. *looks back* Oh yeah, they started the office
closing the Monday after, and that week was crazy with WFH folks getting
things set up. I'm special, I was already working from home, and I'm
getting a note from Carcosa Corp saying I'm that special kind of employee
who can travel to work sites during all this. I'm always so lucky *wink*
Personal/health foo is about as you'd expect. My allergies constantly
twig me out til I remind myself that the only thing different than
any other season is there's a crazy virus out there. Stupid cough.
Mental health is all over the place. Not much focus, easily anxious,
had my first full on panic attack...some days ago, can't remember exactly
when to be honest. Yeah, that's disconcerting. I've been able to get
out of bed, get a shower, eat every day...so my depression isn't as high
as it can be. Sleep is mixed, not a lot of anxiety dreams thank Tsathoggua.
I'm not reading a lot, though I'm listening to a bunch of audiobook/podcast
stuff. I'm probably a little too hooked on the internet during this mess.
But, when I try to ignore it, well...see the above about anxiety. So I
don't really know what I'm going to do.
So yeah, that's about it. I should do work around Dunwich Abbey, but
I have little energy most days. We'll see. At least I'm mostly
keeping up around the house. We'll see what happens.
Tomorrow will be my second calendar month here in Dunwich Abbey. It's also
the middle of the Covid-19 virus outbreak. Not, as I've been typing,
'Corvid'. It's not a crow. So far I'm fine, I'm low risk, even with
the diabetes and high blood pressure. I'm not being stupid though. And I have
plenty of toilet paper, I bought a bulk pack when I moved in, and well...
I live alone, so I have plenty.
Carcosa Corp is all kinds of busy, projects and migrations and everyone is
twitchy. There's no official word about office closings and whatnot, but
I've been mostly working from home anyway. So we'll see what happens.
Personal foo? Been slowly working on getting Dunwich Abbey setup. Not as
fast as I'd like, but I've been pretty lacking in tentacles post work, and
I spend most of the weekend trying to recover. I've managed to get the
study to be pretty comfortable, and the bedroom is coming together. The
living room is still a bunch of boxes and stuff. I need to get more
bookshelves so I can start organizing books better, but that's going to
wait life to settle down again, vs having random folks over here in case
of plague. Plus the next weekend or two will be busy with work foo. I'll
get around to it sooner or later.
Ok, I'm out of stuff to talk about, and I'm bloody exhausted. Night folks
who read this.
All praise to thee, Tsathoggua, dark lord of darksome realms! Before thine ebon throne lost wraiths bewail their fate with many an echoing groan and wander sightless through the frightful glooms of sub-Eiglophian caves. Thou didst reward their unrepented insolence displayed before thy toadlike templed eidolons, with monstrous dooms. From them thy vengeance was not stayed, nor shall their horrid punishments abate ‘till all the peaks of high Voormithadreth are ground to grit in icy eschatons.
Oh lord of foulsome life and fearsome death, to thee our fealty repays our gift of necromantic arts with offerings of red and pulsing hearts given in thanks on thine ensanguined alter; and, to avenge all crass impiety, our serpent-venomed dirks will never falter.
Now hear our plea, O Lord of black encaverned spaces, whose jet-dark orbs, though night-enmired yet see into all secret subterranean places, and whose black-furred bat-supple ears detect the faintest sound of all who plot in chambers underground: Fulfill our hopes allay our direst fears. Grant us the gift of swift nocturnal stealth: Reveal to us each hidden jeweled hoard of kingly wealth; and most of all Dark Lord, possess our foes with terrors thanatopic and draw their shrieking souls down from the light into eternal night to pine for aye in silence nyctalopic.
From the Book of Eibon, Psalms of the Silent. Translated by Richard L. Tierney.
Na ‘Aear, na ‘Aear! Mýl ‘lain nallol,
I sûl ribiel a i falf ‘loss reviol.
Na annûn hae, ias Anor dannol.
Cair vith, cair vith, lastal hain canel,
Lamath in-gwaithen i gwennin no nin?
Gwannathon, gwannathon taur i onnant nin;
an midui orath vín a dennin inath vín.
Trevedithon ‘aear land erui ciriel.
Falvath enainn bo Mathedfalas dannol,
Lamath vilui vi Tol Gwannen cannen,
Vi Tol Ereb, ned Bar-in-Edhil i Edain ú-gennir,
Ias lais ú-dhannar: dôr en-gwaith nín an-uir!»
A linniel hen Legolas gwannant dadbenn en amon.
Resquiescas in pace, mea soror.
To the Sea, to the Sea! The white gulls are crying,
The wind is blowing, and the white foam is flying.
West, west away, the round sun is falling.
Grey ship, grey ship, do you hear them calling,
The voices of my people that have gone before me?
I will leave, I will leave the woods that bore me;
For our days are ending and our years failing.
I will pass the wide waters lonely sailing.
Long are the waves on the Last Shore falling,
Sweet are the voices in the Lost Isle calling,
In Eressëa, in Elvenhome that no man can discover,
Where the leaves fall not: land of my people for ever!
Rest in peace my sister.
(by J.R.R. Tolkien, Return of the King. Latin by me)
Well, it's been a calendar month since I got the keys here. Still need
to a bunch of organizing and unpacking still. Did come up with a name
for the place, Dunwich Abbey. Why this ? Multiple reasons. The abbey
part is from my binge reading of M.R. James and other Victorian/Edwardian
supernatural authors. There always seems to be a haunted cathedral or
abbey or such. Plus I'm more than a bit of a Britophile, have been since
I was a kid. Dunwich (pronounced as Dun-witch or dun-nitch as the spirit
moves you) is either H.P. Lovecraft's creepy town of Whateleys, or the
village in Suffolk that's slowly disappearing into the sea. I'm not giving
up on Innsmouth and her Dreams, but I felt like a change. Plus, thanks
to Charlie Stross, among others, there's a link between Dunwich and Innsmouth.
So fish people all around. So Lovecraft, M.R. James, odd Brit history...
works for me. Oh yeah, and I managed to snag the dunwich.net domain name.
No idea what I'm going to do with it yet.
So I got everything moved, got the computers setup. Bookshelves are loaded
with books, mostly not in any kind of order. My study is the most setup
room in the place, some art on the walls, my various Lovecraftian knick-
knacks on display. Favorite books, or fancy books are shelved in here.
Bedroom is spartan, but that's fine, I basically just sleep in there.
Library is basically the dumping zone, slowly whittling down the clutter,
hopefully soonish I'll be able to add some more bookcases (3 died in the
move) and start sorting and organizing the library. Kitchen is also fairly
cluttered, but that's easier to sort. Still, this is going to be long
bit of organizing.
Getting used to driving around here. I'm still firing up the GPS more often
than not, unless I'm going to work or the store. Internet is as good as the
old place. Neighbors are quiet, mostly. I get weird looks, but that's
alright. They get some weird looks back. Haven't had any guests over yet,
partially it's the chaos, and partially it's my hermit habit. At some point
I'll see about inviting people over. Have a shopping list of things I
want to get for here, but that will take time. Need to get what I have sorted
before I bring too much more stuff in here.
I've been moved into the new place since Monday. Slowly unpacking and organizing. There's been some issues, some with me and some with the apartment. Specifically issues with the heating system. Which normally isn't a big deal, but it's actually cold in Texas. And while I can cope during the day, at night there's a fine line
between "I'm comfy and cool" and "I'm cold and my legs hurt."
Took today off as well, original plan was to be back at work today. But between
lousy sleep and stress, I extended my PTO one more day. Got a bit accomplished, a bunch of boxes unpacked and books shelved. One computer is up and running, I just haven't been in the mood to set everything else up, and I can't find a bunch of cables that are in a box 'somewhere'. Oh well, it will all get done, eventually.
I know moving is the good thing, and this will be a nice place. Just with all the change, and lack of sleep, I'm not doing my best.
As of yesterday I have the keys
to my new apartment. I've moved some token books and art over there to
claim it as 'mine'. Tomorrow Spectrum is moving my internets over to the
new place. I'll move some more stuff, including clothes and some kitchen
stuff, since I'll be splitting my time between the two places til Monday,
when the movers move my stuff. This weekend I'll be moving my computer
gear myself, along with some more Mythos stuff (some things I don't trust
to movers). Sunday I'll be finishing up the packing/move prepping and staying
the last night here. Monday they move my stuff, then I start putting things
together. Tuesday is recovering, and probably driving back here and getting
things left behind. Wednesday is back to work.
I'll be getting new bookcases, the number depends on how many of my old ones
survive the move (some of them are old, others aren't terribly solid), and
some other furniture and items depending on how the moving budget looks
after well, moving. Then it's get my stuff out of boxes and in place,
and make it into a home. We'll see how that goes.
I'll be mostly internet-less after tomorrow morning til either I get my
rig set up, or until I fully move. I plan to do a bunch of reading when
I'm not actively doing move related stuff. So wish me luck, hopefully
my next post will be from my new location, nickname has yet to be determined.
Well, it's 2020. The holidays are done (at least the standard ones of
US folks). It's been a rough time for me, I ended up with a really nasty
sinus infection on Cthulhumas eve. I've mostly spent every day since in
pain, and really screwed up mood wise. Really missing Jessi, in some
ways losing her was harder than losing my Mom, she had a full life, and
I had years to ready myself for when she passed. *sigh* I miss you sis,
every damn day.
So I'm behind on packing, so after talking to my boss, I'll be take a couple
extra days off, so I can work on packing. The living room is 80% done
(that's where most of the books live), but the bedroom is a major project unto
it's self. I need to throw all that stuff into boxes (or into trash), then
I need to start going through the computer rig, figure out what I'm
trashing, and what needs to be kept.
I'm not doing a 'decade in review', or even a year in review. I'm not up
for that much introspection. 2019 was the year I hit peak (for now) Lovecraft
with visits to both Necronomicon and the HPLFF. Got to meet a bunch of
folks I've only talked to online. Reaffirmed that I love both Providence
and Portland, even if I can't move there at the moment. I don't have much
traveling in mind for 2020, most of my discretionary income is going to
the move, but I will manage yet another trip to Portland for the film
fest. It's the 25th one, so it's bound to be one for the history books.
But besides that, my vacations will probably be 'staycations' putting the
new place together.
New years resolutions. I usually do them on my spawning day, but I didn't
this year. So I think I'll do a small set, Big thing will be 'survive move,
and get new place put together, with some others related to health, and
keeping track of my reading again. And with that, I'm calling this a
post. I've been writing it most of the day in dribs and drabs. So here's
to 2020. Please let it not suck so badly.
Well it's been a few days on the new meds, I see a difference, but that's
probably the placebo effect of having done something. This is so far
from my first rodeo, I even have the non-physiological foo mapped out. Work
week was...goofy. Office moving around was a pain. Got a ping today that
one of the dev boxes we hid in a network closet wasn't responding. So I
drove up to the office to fix it. (I'd just finished the movie I was
watching, so it worked out well. Needed some arguing, and some labeling
and cable mishmashing. Came back home after that.
As I said today would have been Dad's 95th spawning day. So when I wasn't
working on cleaning out the closet in prep for moving, or driving to work,
I've been watching movies I remember watching with Dad. 'In the Name of
the Rose', 'Hunt for Red October' and now, 1 Million Years B.C. (aka
Raquel Welch in a fur bikini). It's been fun, not many sad thoughts. Didn't
get as much moving labor done as I wanted, but I found multiple boxes of
Mom stuff and that took some of the wind out of my sails. I decided
to just keep it boxed up, move it to the new place, then I'll work
on sorting through it. Or not.
Not much else, I don't think I've mentioned it, but I've been using DuoLingo
the last 3 months to actually study Latin. I know a lot of words, but
I have little to know idea on grammar or structure. Sadly, I can't say I'm
much better at it, but it's fun to try. Today, kind of on a whim I fired
up Welsh, since I keep running into Celts in my reading. A lot more material,
since Welsh is a living language, and I'm better than listening/saying
the basic words than I am at Latin. (seriously, I rather just read it). So
we'll see. I don't think I'll ever be more than a how to ask nicely for the
restroom, and sorry I don't speak $language, do you speak English ? But
who knows, maybe something will click. And I'm having fun.
31 days til I get the keys to the new place. I need to get services moved
over, and I need to figure out some other new place stuff. As well as
finish packing/organizing. Holiday BS is pretty much being treated as just
BS, I really ain't feeling it this year. Oh well, a little over two weeks
and it's done. Then moving, then Cthulhu knows. Right now it's still day
by day. Which is about all I can count on. Night all.
Today was a visit with my pshrink (psychiatrist if you're new to my way of
writing). Standard 6 month med review. 6 months ago my biggest stressor
was my low platelet count and the new office being kind of meh. Needless
to say, my current stressors are much higher.
So I went in, saw my doc, told him the details, both what's happened lately
and the high anxiety and lows of depression. So we're upping my
anxiety med 'allowance', I normally limit myself to one of my acute anxiety
meds a day, now I'm allowed two, with an increase on my prescription. I'm
also adding Wellbutrin to my cocktail. Different kind of antidepressant
that I haven't been on before, it affects a different set of neurotransmitters
so it should change up the chemistry some. Side effects are mostly the
same as every other antidepressant I've been on, except instead of a sedative
affect, it might make me a bit jittery (thus I take it first thing in the
AM). Too late in the day to take the first dose, so we try tomorrow. Then
it's try to keep track of things/moods/etc, aka getting back to offline
journaling. (or online, easily searchable journaling).
The migration that was scheduled for this weekend is pushed back to the
end of the month. So that gives me two weeks to beat Atlassian into
submission. Also gives me time to get used to this new med, and cope
with moving and sadness. (Saturday would be Dad's 95th spawning day).
So yeah, the end of the year should be...interesting. Let you know how