The Three-Lobed Burning Eye Wants You!

Huzzah for Friday. Have had a up and down week. I'm still aiming upwards, but I have had a bunch of anxiety foo dragging me down. Top of it was doing my 6 month self eval. I hate doing them at the best of times, and given my recent stress foo, and a format that I had never used before, well it drove me kind of crazy. But, it's done, and I've gotten a number of things done at work, so I'm trying to balance out the bad with the logical positive. Oh speaking of work, due to the new monitoring system we're using, we've started an oncall rotation. This is my week (Wed to Wed). It's weird to be officially on call, we've always done it on a ad-hoc basis, and it worked well, but since we're working with a separate monitoring group, that really wouldn't work. Oh well, it's only one week out of three. Little stress on that, just oddness.

But, it's a 4 day weekend for me. Very few plans for the weekend, some social time with friends. Some chores, some geek stuff, a lot of reading is also planned. Starting off the night by listening to 'The Haunter of the Dark. one of my favorite HPL stories as a radio play. I'm also working on updates here at Château Innsmouth, physical systems first, then starting to update the VM horde. There will be Spanish Werewolves and other oddness in the movies tonight.

Speaking of oncall, got an alert from a server. Not a real oncall issue, it's a dev version of a ticket system, but I can fix it really quick and be done.

Well, that's about all I have right now. Going to call this a post. Catch you all later.

Slowly climbing out of the hole…

Hey there cultists, how goes ? It's been a busy week at Carcosa Corp. Got some of my assignments done, or at least within range. I also finally got my passport in the mail. So I can officially enter Canada on my cruise next month. Assuming Canada lets me of course.

Mood has generally improved. Still running into depression ninjas and anxiety, but I'm getting past that with less effort. Books are back to being fun, and I'm not as lacking in focus. These are good things. I'm hoping it lasts.

Spent today watching movies with friends during the day, then came home. My AC is leaking, and I've been trying to stop it, then trying to clean up my bathroom and kitchen so if I have to get maintenance over here, it's not a huge deal. Well beyond hating people in Château Innsmouth. On the plus side, I got some packages, a tshirt from the HP Lovecraft Historical Society and a cast fox skull that glows in the dark from Catalyst Studios. It's good to know nifty geeky people, and buy their things. You should buy their things. *wink*

Not much else, watching a Paul Naschy flick called 'Inquisition'. I do love the 70's Eurohorror genre, especially the period pieces. Sorta like the Hammer horror pieces cranked up to 11. Plus unlike the Hammer pieces, I keep finding new (to me) flicks. Only problem is, they're pretty much an taste I don't share with my friends. Oh well, some things are best enjoyed in private.

That's about it for right now, after the movie I'll head to bed and book and hopefully have a good night's sleep. Night cultists.

As it was written in the Scrolls of Sutekh…

Well it's the weekend again, so it means I should throw some words on virtual paper. Get the brainmeats out of the way quick, being back on seroquel means I'm sleeping more/better, but my anxiety is still way out there. (not expecting immediate fix, I know better). Depression lurks in a ninja kind of way, I see good things, I feel good things, but it leaps out every now and again in a nihilistic kind of way that reminds me that I'm still rather broken. But I've been broken before, and I've put myself together, repeatedly. I am a New Yorker after all, we're survivors.

So enough strum und drang. What is best in life Vulpine? Well, I'm not Conan, so lets start with books. Been reading a bunch of old school Mythos still. Got a pile of other stuff to read, but other than a little history it's all tentaclular horrors. Listened/ing to a few books by Charlie Stross to get in the mood for his latest Laundry File book next month. Not the whole series, just enough to get back in the series. So many books, so little time.

Went to see 'The Mummy' today. A solid bit of cheese, with a side of ham from Russell Crowe. Yes it could have been much better, but it still was fun and Sofia Boutella was a nice mix of creepy, evil, and lovely. Plus, she was literally covered in hieratic script, so a walking book. Sign me up for the cult please. *grin* Also, for any Lovecraftians who've seen it, did anyone look at the red jewel McGuffin and think 'Shining Trapezohedron' ? Or was that just me trying to make everything into a Mythos reference

What will I do tomorrow? Probably just chores and stuff. Been meaning to clean up the bedroom for months now, may just pop an audiobook or podcast in and spend a while in there trying to get things organized. This is alongside a store run, laundry and similar stuff, so I may set reasonable goals instead. Assuming I don't just hide in bed with a book, or within a movie marathon of cheese and gore. We'll see. For now though, going to call this a post before it's technically Sunday. Laters cultists.

All brainmeats all the time

More brainmeats foo. Things got worse after Saturday, mood majorly dropped, anxiety went through the roof. Toughed it out for a few days and then called my pshrink, who was able to fit me in today. We talked a bit, and long story short, I'm going back on the seroquel, though a lower dose to start. Hopefully this will help me feel a little better, help me sleep through the night and to not be so stressed and frazzled during the day. Trying to be hopefully about this, but to be honest I'm pretty sans hope feeling right now, hope and cope are in short supply. Maybe tomorrow will be better when I wake up.

Things do get better.

Another week, another post. A happier post I think, which is always good.

Mood has slowly crept out of the potato layer this week, it really didn't hit a noticeable crest til I hung out and planned part of the Alaska cruise with Amythest and Nymaz Thursday night. I actually felt excited over something besides sleep. I also worked on some maintenance last night, and I while I got stressed, it never became a real problem, I just kept chugging along and making stuff work. (I also managed to finish one project, and get to about 80% done on another today.)

I don't have any real weekend plans, and I kind of want it that way. I don't want to go to sleep thinking "I have to do X,Y, and Z before doing A,C and Q. Instead, I'll do what I want to do, with the only 'needs' are the usual chores around the house. I've spent tonight watching comfort movies, and I've run the dishwasher, and that's about it. Probably going to go to bed early (for a Friday) with book, and catch up on the sleep I didn't get last night.

So what are my options tomorrow? Full on hermit, quasi hermit and go raid a bookstore or two and get some food, maybe some chores, maybe not. There's geek projects a plenty here at Château Innsmouth, along with apartment rearranging if I feel spry. Or I could spend the day catching up on the books I've been meaning to read. Hopefully there are no emergencies or crisis foo. Just rest and chill. And tentacles, maybe a squidgirl film and tasty noms. Wish me luck.

State of the fox

If you follow me on Facebook, you've already seen most of this.

It's not been a good week. I had a near breakdown this week. I think I've tapered off my old med too fast, and between stress from helping a friend, bad sleep, fretting over the bill from my dental emergency and work, and the combination became a 'perfect storm' and well, I went pretty far down. I'm better now, functioning if not great. Little better each day, but still I have to fight the depression at least once or twice a day. It was bad enough I found reading to be tedious, and that's one of those great signs that something is wrong.

But, on the plus side, I managed to not call in with ennui once this week. I've gotten stuff done, if not as much as I'd (or my work) would like. I've also found reading to be easier and more entertaining, reading classics like Lovecraft and Brian Lumley (the first modern day mythos writer I ever read). I'm sleeping better, not great but better. The plan is to try tapering off again when I'm under less stress. When that will be? I dunno. One tentacle at a time and all that.

So, it's the weekend. And payday. Weekend plans are more friend helping, but nothing crazy like last weekend. Also, I'm probably going to go see 'Wonder Woman' because, it looks like a whole lot of fun. Tonight is watching 'Life' again, it's currently on and it's a lot of fun (for values of pentapods destroying humanity). Will probably stay up kind of late and try to regenerate tentacles with movies and geeking, then probably more Lumley or similar reading, and sleeping in if I can. Wish me luck, both with sleep and with getting better.