Midweek rambles

Having a rough day of it. Started off ok, played chauffeur for a friend who needed a lift to a doc appointment, a friend I haven't seen in the flesh in many years. Got to meet her two kitties, both were skittish about me, but one warmed enough for pets, and the other kept staring at me with really gorgeous eyes. I'm patient, I'll win the kitten over eventually.

But afterwards, I felt off. I was near Recycled Books, so I made a stop, but that didn't help much. Got a couple of books, but one is a duplicate of something I already had. Got lunch and I was going to do some other errands, but I decided that the cope tank was just about empty. Came home, deal with frustrating doctor/insurance foo (never try to get a referral when you're changing insurance copies in the next month and a half). Then found a letter from the DocInABox about 'we're trying to reach you.' Call them, get the run around, finally get someone to call me back to tell me 'Oh we're calling about the referral. Why the actual fuck? Why couldn't a receptionist have looked that up? Probably because it was filed as something HIPPA esque I guess. Still damn frustrating. I am grateful I'm off this week. I'm sure I'd be yelling in the office sooner or later.

Since then I've watched a few movies, had at least two short crying jags over Jessi thoughts. Almost got into a yelling match with a friend, but it got better. We talked through my distinct lack of interest in Turkey Day, as I said right now I feel 0 thankfulness. So, I may just pass. Going to decide Thursday when I get up. I'm not in a social mood, and I don't think I'm up for a fairly large group of people. But, we'll see.

I'm trying to plot apartment stuff, but lacking info like the Spectrum demarc location, and where the power plugs are is causing my plans to be...vague. I can't just go in and look, the current tenant isn't moving out til end of Dec, and no way would I ask to see it. So I have to wait. And to be honest, I'll change my mind 10 times in the next 10 weeks about layouts and plans. So trying to get ideas, but not get attached to them. I really should hide the floorplan, and just dream what I want, then when I have access to the place, I can make my ideas fit. We'll see.

I'm now doing some basic geeking, upgraded my Fedora server VM to 32, and it's being flaky. My OpenSuSE VM also flaked and died. I haven't had a lot of good computer luck lately. Oh well, I'm not the home sysadmin I once was. I do this all day at work. I've been meaning to work on packing and whatnot, but...see above where I said I had a near empty cope tank. Tomorrow I'm trying to not make many 'plans' I need to pick up meds and visit the store, but besides that I want to try to get some more down time. I may try to avoid the internets, and try to catch up on reading, if I can get the focus (I have very little). Kind of shocked I wrote this out without quitting and rewriting. But I think I'll call this a post. Laters cultists.

Requiescat in pace

She passed on today. Requiescat in pace, sister love. Not the way things were supposed to go, she was 14 years younger than me. But the universe just really doesn't care that way. I'm hope, I'm hiding in audiobooks (Grandpa Theobald's 'The Haunter of the Dark', which Jessi liked as well) and trying to stay away from emotional subjects. I talked to my boss and coworker earlier, and I'll be off the next few days, and my big project for next week is being pushed. Jello plans indeed. So I have a few days to process. The box of emotions are open, but I'm not actively processing things just yet. Just don't want to end up having a full meltdown, which keeping the box closed would do. Just wish... oh so many things.

So the next few days I'll be gentle with myself, try to either do things, or not. Sleep late, or stay up late, be there if her family needs things, or be alone if I need things. I know that last part will worry some folks, but I promise I won't be stupid. My friends are a call away, and my pshrink is really good about fitting in people with a crisis...and I am well medicated. So I'll close this up.

I'm going to miss you so very much Jessi-Badger. You kept me going when things were dark, and I won't disappoint you. See you sometime, make sure to find me some good books while you're wherever we go.

Not doing so good. One of my best friends, the person who I think of as my little sister, has been in the hospital since before I got sick. Today I got a message from her husband that I need to be back up at the hospital ASAP. Not going into detail, but her lungs are failing, and there isn't any options to correct it. Either her body finds a way to heal itself, or she doesn't recover. Was up at the hospital, emotions pretty well locked in a box whenever I was around people. Got people talking about other things, or listened to them when they talked sad. What I'm good at. I learned how to compartmentalize emotions when Dad was in hospice. I also learned to not keep the box closed too long. So when I felt the end of my rope, I said my goodbyes and came home. Got myself into a shower, had a good cry, and have been distracting myself since.

So what's next? No idea, that's up to things so far outside of my control it's not funny. So it's one day at a time, one tentacle in front of another, and making sure I take care of myself. Tomorrow, unless I need to be else where, will probably be doing the tasks I dropped today. Then work, which I'll have to really work at focusing to get a project with a short time frame done and out the door. Then it's Thanksgiving, which to be honest ATM I'm not very thankful for much. Then the project implementation for work, then probably a holiday change freeze., which I'll have to spend catching up on a lot of other stuff, plus moving prep and Cthulhumas.

Oh, this version of my blog will be going away at some point. Wordpress is too cumbersome for how I want to blog, so unless I think of a better option, I think I'll be going back to using Livejournal and importing that feed into the Innsmouth website, like I did years ago on Cabal23.net. The LJ API hasn't changed much, and I can still use an ancient perl script I have to log in and post. And frankly, the worries we all had about Soviet LJ seem to be tiny all things considered. None of the content will vanish, because I cross posted most everything to LJ since I started on Wordpress. We'll see how it works out. But for now, back to tuning out and watching comfort movies.

Words of comfort

"When asked what advantage he found in serving Tsathoggua the sleeping god, Eibon replied 'Rather I would believe in a god that sleepeth than that the travails of the world should be the will of a waking providence"

The Book of Eibon, the Apophthegmata of Eibon, verse 17

A week later… still a snot fountain

Well, still sick. Not shocking, bronchitis whacks me hard, and I end up coughing and feeling off for a long while afterwards. We'll see how it goes. Worked from home all week, been a frustrating work week. Apartment foo is setup, 59 days and change til I get the keys. Can't wait, even if I'm anxious about all the prep work I need to do.

I also had computer foo, but I didn't mention it last week. Dagon had been having overheating issues, and finally started randomly rebooting. So I made a hard cut over to Asenath, the new PC I've meant to use for months. Same basic OS and desktop, just instead of 16.04 it's 19.10, so a lot of new quirks to work out or find a better way of doing things. After a week or so, I've mostly got everything working the way I want, or worked around. I still have some changes to make.

Not much else, the holidays are coming up, and I'm really just not in the mood for either Turkey Massacre or Cthulhumas. I've been highly hermit-like, and it's hard to want to get out of the habit. I need to, just hard to want to. Might be easier if I stop feeling lousy and wanting to hack up my lungs.

Ok, going to call this a post. I've got Lovecraftian audiobooks, and apartment nicknames to ponder. *waves a tentacle*

All the news that’s fit to the squint

Well, good news and bad news. Bad news first, I have bronchitis. Felt kind of off yesterday, been coughing more than usual. So I decided last night that unless I felt loads better today, I'd go to the doctor. So I went to the doctor. Long visit, Saturdays are crazy, and the plague is in town. Came out with a load of 'scripts, and a referral to a cardiologist because when they did the chest x-ray to make sure I didn't have pneumonia, the radiologist didn't like the size of my heart. Guess I need to be more grinchy this holiday season. So hopefully I can shrug this off quickly.

So that's the bad news out of the way, so here's the good news. I found a new place. I've been looking for a couple of weeks, and I found a near perfect place. I'll move out of Château Innsmouth by Feb 1st, and into "Nickname to be determined later". Actually I take possession of the new place on Jan 15, so I'll probably take some PTO to move during the week, and get organized, and use the weekends to draft my local friends into helping me build bookcases. *grin*

Details, it's up by the new Carcosa Corp offices. It's a two bedroom, one bath 1st floor apartment, 900 square feet. The living area is one big room, so no one will be surprised when I line it with my bookcases (and new taller ones). The smaller bedroom will be a bedroom, the bigger one will be my study. Art, stuff on shelves, the computer horde, A cross between the Matrix and an Edwardian Occultist's lair. Nothing amazing with internet access, but it's the same company as I'm currently with, so it's the evil I know. Kitchen is big, but I'm not much of a cook so it will probably be mostly a place to store food and microwave it. Bathroom is also pretty basic, but that's ok. It will be really good to get out my current location, and build out a new lair according to a plan, vs the organic disorganization I currently live in.

So that's the big news for right now. Going to call it a post. Wish me luck getting healthy.