Home from Innsmouth

Had a very good vacation. Will post details once I’ve caught up on sleep/rest. I’m going to miss sleeping to the actual sound of the ocean, and the calls of the gulls during the day. Night all.

Goin’ Down to Innsmouth: The night before

Well, as of about 4:30 CDT, I went into vacation mode. Work notifications are muted, I had a fairly busy day of getting things done, or assigning tasks to other people for when I get back. Also one of my pals at Carcosa is leaving, so me and my fellow admin took him out to lunch. Busy busy cultist today.

I also woke up about 2 hours early. Since I still had packing to do, this ended up being a good thing. Redid the packing, did some around the house stuff, and went to work an hour early. Came home, watched 'Dagon', did some more packing foo, ate dinner. Thinking I'm going to hit the showers soon, then bed with book and early to sleep. Have to be up earlier than normal tomorrow for the fun and games of airport security. I won't be blogging while I'm gone, like the last couple of trips I'm not bringing a computer (or a tablet, just my phone and kindle). I'll probably ramble on Facebook though, I usually do. Then back from Innsmouth on Sunday.

So wish me safe travels, well stocked bookstores, friendly Deep Ones and fine seas. I'll try to not make the change early and swim down to Y'ha-nthlei...but if they've gotten internet you landlubbers may be out of luck *wink*

Goin’ Down to Innsmouth

Been a while since I posted on an actual blog. Part of the problem is I can't just open a term window and post to wordpress, like I used to do on Livejournal. Those were the good ol days. There are tools, but they're way overpowered, have weird access, and well...I'm just paranoid enough to worry about installing strange php scripts on servers. (Yes, I'm talking about wp-cli).

So what's been going on ? I've had some crazy mood/anxiety issues. I'm fighting it, but I'm very tired of fighting. So I'm trying a kind of IƤ Cthulhu play, and taking a short vacation this coming week. Flying up to Boston, and from there driving north to Gloucester. Or as I call it, Innsmouth. Grandpa Theobald based his depiction of Innsmouth on Gloucester and the nearby town of Newburyport. So, I'm going to my city of dreams, see the 'Gilman House' and the 'Esoteric Order of Dagon Hall'. I'm also going sailing around Cape Ann on a schooner, and I'll be spending more than a little time in my old friend, the Atlantic. Will only be up there 4 days, but I hope it will be enough to reboot my brainmeats. And if nothing else, I get to check a few items off the bucket list.

Besides brainmeats and Innsmouth, I've been kind of doing the usual. My reading has kind of narrowed down to almost all history. Part of that is coping with mood problems, it's very hard to develop an emotional connection to things that happened 100/1000/2500 years ago. Which is kind of weird, as I've been binge watching 'Babylon 5' the last week or so, which is full of characters I care about. Oh well, it's still fun, even if it's made me want to cry more than a few times.

Also, I've been playing a lot of chess against the Shining Trapezohedron. I've always wanted to be a good chess player. I'm not one. But lately I've found that I can plan further ahead than before. Not much, but enough that I don't have to play the computer on the utter beginner mode, instead 1 level up for beginner. So far I'm batting .500. Which I'll take, and the small endorphin pulse I get from a win, or for even fighting a solid loss.

So, long post short, I'm struggling. But I have plans, and tools, and I'll keep on trying. Hopefully it won't a month and a half before I post again. Ciao cultists.

Sleep, perchance not to dream

Some random thoughts. I've been having issues with sleeping, and with dreams. I'm having nights full of broken sleep, waking up multiple times a night. And when I do sleep, I have sad or anxious dreams and getting out of bed is really difficult. My attempts to fix this have either involved spiking up dopamine or serotonin before bed, or more often, going to bed earlier and earlier. I'm starting to think this (early to bed) is the problem. Maybe I'm spending too much time in REM sleep, where I'm mostly awake by 5-6 am, and I'm just idling in dreaming mode, and waking up repeatedly, which make the dreams more memorable. At least that's what my googling about sleep patterns and basic logic comes up with. So, tonight is an experiment. Going to stay up til about 10pm tonight (1-2 hours later than my sleep schedule lately), then take my meds and go to bed to read a little. I'm resetting my alarm for the last possible minute before I need to be up, so I can be at work in time for the morning meeting. Then we see. If I don't get enough sleep, well the next morning is the weekend, and I have no plans for Friday night. So if I'm tired, I can fight through it. And if it helps, make notes, then try again next week. Document all the way. And we see. If it helps, yay. If it doesn't, well, check my theory, check my research, come up with a new idea. That whole scientific method thing. Should do that more in my personal life.

So...I am my own experiment. Which probably isn't the best science, but it's what I've got to work with at the moment. I do have a perfectly good pshrink I can hand the results to after some time. We'll see. Later I may experiment with invocations of Morpheus, Cthulhu, Hypnos, Nut and/or Nyx. Just no self medicating, that will just in tears. Ok, wish me luck.

To the Devil a Daughter…and more rambles

Home from work, dinner eaten, books added to catalog and shelved. Am pretty pooped after the work day. Going to go to shower, bed and book soon.

Listening to 'To the Devil a Daughter', I knew that the movie was very different than the book, but the only thing they both have is the evil priest. The good guy, Verney is made up of 3 characters in the book. And if you're looking for habit wearing hotties, well this stories has nun ;) Pretty sure I can guess why Wheatley was so torqued off at the Hammer production. It's a slow start, lots of English people complaining about France, while in France. But we got to the crazy Satanist monologing about his plan to a hero, and boy is it bonkers. Also there's a call back to the novel 'The Devil Rides Out' which makes my little geek heart happy. Still have hours to go to listen, might switch over to reading the book the old fashioned way, see if the plot runs off like a crazed hare...like the movie does.

Night all.

Random post surgery thoughts

Been healing, bit by bit. I'm really tired of soft foods, my stomach is demanding things I'm pretty sure I shouldn't eat, and I'm still generally worn down. Worked from home on Thursday, which honestly I didn't get much work done during. Called in on Friday, watched the first 8 'Friday the 13th' movies as is traditional. Yesterday and today was more or less the same, with more variety in movies though. Back to the office tomorrow, with a lot of emails to check I think. Plus lots of things to do in general that I meant to do this weekend. My TODO list is giving me more than a little anxiety though, so many things to do, so little time. Oh well, going to do some little things and make something for dinner, then probably spend the evening in a book. Catch everyone later.

Survived Dental Surgery

Had the extractions this morning. Sedation dentistry is my friend, I blinked and I went from getting wired up, to getting ready to leave. Eating a ton of soft food, pudding, jello, and yogurt. Wanting sushi, Italian food and gyros. None of which are a good choice right now. In some discomfort/pain, but not bad. Not feeling too loopy from the sedation either, but avoiding pushing that in any form or fashion. Plan is to work from home tomorrow, and possibly Friday. Now lets hope I heal quickly and without issue.

Vulpine faces a fear

Quick post. Remember back before I went to Providence I went to the dentist and had one tooth extracted, and a failed attempt at the second one. I was giving a referral to an oral surgeon. Well, as I'm wont to do when I'm terrified about something (dentists) I put it off. Well, that tooth is giving me grief again. So I made an appointment with said oral surgeon, went back to the dentist for a double check, and antibiotics and pain meds. Today I went for the consult. Yep, that tooth needs to go, and oh yeah...I have another abscess that I'm probably not feeling because the other one is hurting more. So I'm going back next Wednesday to have both extracted. I brought up my anxiety, and the doctor agreed that sedation is probably better all around. Luckily I have a friend who can take a morning off to drive me around, and a job that's pretty flexible. So I'll be stoned off my ass (under doctor care) next Wednesday, and probably working from home on Thursday, while eating yogurt, pudding, Jello and other soft things. Which I already had on hand because well, I knew it was coming. I was freaked out before, I'm mostly calm now...I see next Tuesday night as being kind of rough though. But hopefully this will correct things for now, and later on I can get the rest of the work I need done. Stupid stupid dental phobia, seriously if I could change one thing I'd probably go back and tell very young me to either suck up the laughing gas or accept the scary as fuck needle, because the future is full of worse things. So yeah, any spare thoughts to buck up my courage would be appreciated. Catch you all later, hopefully with a more pleasant weekend post.

State of the fox: brainmeats and hard drives

Been having a rough time of it lately. Mood drops, anxiety, lack of focus, all mixing to cause a 'perfect storm' of meh. Lots of Mom memories, both from the time she fell, and things went south fast, and when she got pneumonia, which was what ended up killing her. It's hard to not remember all the bad things, all the stress. I need to stop though, I'm just messing up my head. Mom wouldn't want me upset or frazzled over her. *sigh* I don't know what's the fix though. I've tried ignoring it, I've pondering it, I've tried book therapy, I've hung out with friends, I've hermitted. *shrug* Maybe getting it out on a blog post will help? We'll see.

Besides emotional mess time, I've joined the hardware NAS people. I picked up a Synology DS1517 5 bay NAS, which I loaded with 4 8 terabyte drives in a RAID 6. I'm going to use it as my primary multimedia storage location, with it backing up to drives on Dagon and Hydra, along with a 'cloud' backup on Crashplan. I think this will finally cover my paranoia about drive failure. The remaining 5th bay is going to be filled with a 5th 8TB drive, and the array re-striped so I'll have 24 terabytes of storage, that can survive 2 drive failures. (currently I have 16 terabytes with the same 2 drive failure protection). Did I mention some degree of paranoia ? I'm still syncing data over, then I have to rearrange mount points and other stuff.

So that's my random post that I've been trying to make for a good chunk of a week. My brain hasn't liked me trying to write stuff out. Going to finish this up before I decide to delete it again. Hopefully things will swing up soonish, and April will be less mood foo. Ciao.

A stack overflow on a shoggoth is nothing to laugh at, even in a small developer environment

(Title is a random quote of myself, because I couldn't come up with a fitting one out of the blue)

Well, I'm coming up on two weeks since I returned from Providence. I miss it still, but a bit of the NRE (New RealEstate Energy) has faded. Still wish I didn't live somewhere that my allergies hate. Oh well. The grass is always greener in the other city.

Real life has been well, life. Work is alright, haven't had anything big to deal with. Things get a little busier after this weekend, but nothing crazy. At home it's about the same, I had plans last weekend to do a bunch of stuff, but I stuck to chilling out at home for the most part. This weekend is socializing on Saturday, and chores and stuff on Sunday.

Read a random book on medieval cities, finished it last night. Was a sort of trip down memory lane, as my first big history nerdism was European history from post Empire to the Hundred years war. The focus was the city of Troyes around 1250, so lots of things I knew, and even more than I'd once known, and have since forgotten. Bit of a change from my usual Greco-Roman or Mesopotamian history that's my usual flavor. In the weird fiction real, I'm reading a collection I picked up at StokerCon, 'Black Pantheons' by Curtis M. Lawson. The stories are pretty good, but the last, and longest is kind of hard to read. Main character has some form of dementia, and lives in a retirement community. Yeah, that doesn't stir up memories for me at all. But still worth reading, especially for the first story and the eldritch version of Pinocchio.

So yeah, that's about it for me. Having a nice quiet Friday night, been watching 70's British horror flicks and futzing around online. Night all, and I hope everyone has a good weekend.