Week from Sheol

Oh elder gods and little fishies, this week has been crazy. All work foo. One, my fellow admin at Carcosa Corp was traveling for business, so 4 of the 5 days I was the lone admin. And it's patch week. And I had a large chunk of a project scheduled to go into production as of last night, with a process that i wasn't 100% comfortable with. Plus the usual daily foo. It's been rough. I haven't been sleeping solid, and I'm dragging today.

But work was pretty calm for normal sysadmin foo, my usual having to herd cats to get things scheduled for patching. And last night's big change went well. While it involved things I don't know well, databases and applications that run under Java, along with Microsoft Active Directory for the trifecta of eww, I made it all work, and I got things working faster than I estimated. So all would have been well if I'd gotten a full night's sleep. So of course I didn't. *eyeroll* At least I'm more comfortable with the whole process, now to just work out the 3rd magic step that has baffled the software vendor's support. Which I just had a small lightbulb moment about. Excuse me while I email myself.

*time passes*

Ok, note to future me sent. Will argue with it later this weekend, or Monday AM. Yay aha moments.

And with that, I think I'll end this post. Probably will be heading to bed and book early tonight. Hopefully I can get some real rest over the weekend. Night all.

Eyeballs and Books

Look, two posts in a weekend. Yesterday was the mental health day I took from work. I spent most of it watching various horror flicks, and futzing around online. Oh, and some vague chore doing at home. I'm slowly getting rid of clutter. Then I'll start on rearranging things a little better. I'm also going to pack up some of the scifi/fantasy section of the Starry Wisdom Library, and probably put it in storage. Shelf space is at a premium, and history, esoterica and Mythos has priority. (also, I have piles of books that need to be organized). Worked on that also this morning, along with more (and worse) movies.

Went to the eye doctor in the afternoon, when it was 105 out. Glad my eyeballs didn't melt. Long story short, my distance vision is a smidge better than it was, my up close vision is a tad worse. So new glasses are in my future. But otherwise my eyes are healthy, come back in year and get dilated.

Came home after that, where I ate way too many chicken tenders. I have to remember, when I have the brilliant idea 'I'll get a family meal, and I'll have 3-4 meals out of it', portion out the damn things...otherwise I keep eating them til I'm about to explode. Haven't done much else this afternoon/ evening. Rearranged a few things, made some mental notes. Found a random flat in London that is not only cool looking, but is the same building for the hero in 'The Devil Rides Out', with the same cool terrace design. But, since I haven't come into my Innsmouth gold inheritance, I don't see me relocating Château Innsmouth to the UK.

So what is Vulpine reading ? Currently I'm reading a history of the Cathars, The Lost Teachings of the Cathars by Andrew Phillip Smith. It's a reread, but given the news lately, who doesn't need a book on medieval quasi-Gnostic dualism. Enjoyable, if nothing really new to the subject. I recently finished a novella, Maniac Gods by Rich Hawkins. Unlike m y current read, this is a little more...intense. It's Lovecraftianesque cosmic horror, with the emphasis on horror. Cult does bad thing, divorced Dad tries to save his ex-wife and kid, bad things happen. Yes, this is done a lot. But Rich gleefully dives into the guts of the story and runs it at full tilt, and when you get to the obvious 'and here's more horror' he slams on brakes and does a 180 that almost hurts. Then he slowly ratchets things up...and then if you want more, go buy the book. *wink* In the bullpen is a number of other British horror novels, I may have gone a little crazy during Amazon Prime Day.

So that's about it for non-brain meats thoughts. Tomorrow I go see Denzel Washington beat people up, and then it's back to work of some stress. But I will survive. Cthulhu's told me so. (Oh yeah, and if you wonder why I have more links than usual, I changed some stuff in my ViM configuration, and this seemed a good test. Yay geeking)

State of the Fox: Brainmeats and melting.

Well, I finally finished my epic series about my trip to Innsmouth. Well, such that can be spoken without violating my oaths to Dagon *wink* Outside of my trip, there hasn't been a lot of news worthy stuff going on. My emotional foo is as it usually is, variable. I've visited the pshrink recently, and nothing much has changed from last visit. I know things aren't perfect in my brain, but I'm able to function, hold down a job, and most all the other 'normal' activities.

Work is kind of stressful. There is debate on what my role is, between local and corporate. And I'm stuck in the middle, not really knowing where I fit. Uncertainty is not my friend. It could be worse, I'm 98% sure I'll have a job either way. I just wish I knew what I'd be doing by the end of the year.

That stress, plus the way reality seems to be going, has been making my brainmeats wig out. I'm anxious, a lot. My depression is more or less the same, a little higher. I spend a lot of time at night trying to run imaginary scenarios to relax. Focus is spotty at best, even with books. I was able to focus some on playing chess, but my game has dropped rather. Luckily I can go from computer: beginner to computer: clueless, so I don't have to feel bad about being owned by a computer as much. So what am I going to do ? Well I took today off as a mental health day, got a bunch of chores done first thing this morning, and I've been watching horror flicks. Tomorrow is much the same, with an eye doctor visit in the afternoon. And Sunday is also kind of the same idea, with a viewing of 'Equalizer 2'. I'm also going to work on VM updates, low level geek stuff, remind myself that computers can be fun. Then hopefully on Monday I'm somewhere back to 'normal'.

Otherwise, life is mostly trying to survive the summer. We're in a crazy heatwave (even for Texas in July). 110 temps until next Tuesday, when it drops to a more normal 100. *eyeroll* I really wish I didn't live in crazy heat land. Though it seems that most of the US is also in crazy hot weather. I'm wondering if I could get a good internet connection in Greenland.

So that's about all I have right now. I wanted to write less brainmeats and more geek stuff, but that's what came out. I am going to try to write more often, I've even rearranged my desktop layout and vim settings to make it easier. We'll see. Via con Cthulhu everyone.

Goin’ Down to Innsmouth: Sails out of Innsmouth and home.

Final day of vacation, well not counting the day of travel coming home. And this was the heart of the vacation plan, a day long sail on a schooner. Specifically the Ardelle. I got up early, got showered and ready, and headed out. She sets sail promptly at 8, and I was NOT going to be late. The Ardelle had a crew of three, one of whom spotted my Innsmouth shirt and commented. The rest of the passengers were all sailing enthusiasts, some of whom had helped build or work the Ardelle. She's a modern ship, but built as close to the original fishing schooners used in the area as they could. I think I was only person on board who'd never sailed on sailing craft this size, (my sail boat experience is being on little 4-5 person boats), and I hadn't been out to sea on anything smaller than a cruise ship since I was a kid. Not that anyone gave me grief about being the new fish, was a very friendly bunch, crew and passengers both.

We headed away from the dock under engine, but as soon as we were out in the harbor they hoisted sail. Well one sail was hoisted by myself and another passenger. He'd done it before, and was in better shape than me. but I still managed it. Wasn't til later than I realized that it gets harder the higher the sail goes, as you're pulling more weight, not just fatigued from the effort. Really glad the sails were modern synthetics, not old fashioned canvas. Probably would make a good exercise plan...if you had the room.

So, I was on a schooner heading out around Cape Ann under sail. Sea was pretty calm, enough wind to move along nicely, and some swells to make it interesting, but not test my sea legs severely. Still don't get seasick, go me. The weather started off kind of brisk and cloudy, which felt great to me. So how did it feel to be under sail ? It was....it was amazing. Nothing quite like how it feels to go on the wind. I got lightly teased about how I was pretty much glued to the bow of the ship, just looking out with a big ol grin on my face. Pretty sure I wouldn't make the best figurehead, but who cares. Seriously, if you like water or ships, find yourself some kind of sailing tour like this and go. It's better then taking a cruise, at least in the short term.

The crew was very friendly, and relaxed. They took the ship seriously, and even when they were joking and telling stories you knew they were paying attention to everything going on. And since most of the passengers had been around the Cape Ann area, even if the crew was busy, someone was pointing out various lighthouses and islands, and history. Oh, amusement. Using the head on this ship was....tricky. Basically you pump in sea water to flush with, but there's a valve and a pump and...where you go. And the directions, while perfectly plain and descriptive, did require a few stalled attempts before I got it. It's not rocket science, but it does require some coordination and it's not like using the toilet at home. *laugh* Definitely RTFM (Read The Flushing Manual)

We stopped off in Rockport for about a half an hour. Got some snacks. Then we sailed up north to a little artist colony who's name I'm blanking on. Just stayed long enough for some of the locals to see the ship, and to get some pictures, then back out. By then the wind had died down enough that we had to go by motor. Which felt a little different, and obviously was louder. But still was a blast. Talked sailing and how he teaches sailing with the captain, basically letting the newest crewperson man the helm, without hovering, because you can't learn how these ships feel any other way, but making sure that if something goes wrong, they know they're not hung out to dry. Talked Lovecraft with one of the crew, who was the captain's daughter (No jokes please), and had just gotten back from refitting a sailing vessel in Singapore, and was working on a grant proposal to convert an old motored fishing vessel into a small research ship. Otherwise everyone mostly talked boats and ships and what to do when a fog bank rolls in when you're in a one person kayak and your forgot your compass. (short answer, don't forget your compass). Answered some questions about living in Texas, found out the unofficial state motto of Rhode Island is 'I know a guy', and had multiple people make subtle suggestions that I'd probably like living in the area better than in landlocked Dallas/Fort Worth. Very tempting thoughts there.

We then sailed down the Annisquam river, which separates Cape Ann from the rest of Massachusetts, making it actually an island. Lots of people on the water, in anything from kayaks to big motor yachts. Pretty sure we were the coolest though. *grin* Eventually we made out out of the river and into the western harbor, then sailed back to her dock. Definitely was the high point of the trip. Will seriously be going back to sail again on the Ardelle. I cannot praise this highly enough. I'm grinning now as I'm thinking about it.

Once we docked I headed back to my car. I had some vague plans to do more tourist stuff, but honestly I was pretty beat. Oh, and the clouds had broken about the time we went from sail to motor, so it got warmish. So I ended up getting some drive through and heading back to hotel. I meant to go back down to the beach, but there was a fair crowd, and I was pretty socialed out. So I spent the evening reading/listening to audiobooks, futzing around online, and playing chess. Sadly we didn't have much wind, and what we had blew the wrong way, so it was still pretty warm. Had trouble getting to sleep, as this was the first night the ocean was pretty quiet. Did go to sleep eventually...then it was morning, and I had to go home. Drove back to Boston, drove in a different way just to see more of the area. Checked in my car, (got lost trying to figure out where to check in). Took the shuttle to the terminal, got all checked in and my hair fondled by the TSA. Flight home was pretty average, and got back to my car pretty quick. Did not enjoy going back to 100 degrees. But it was nice to be home, in my own bed. Even if I had to go back to my white noise generator ocean sounds, instead of the real thing.

So, to wrap up. I had a blast. I definitely wished I had more time to explore, but I made plenty of mental (and actual) notes for the next Innsmouth visit. So many museums and points of interest in that part alone. I'm glad I stayed by the sea, even if I didn't end up swimming, there really is nothing like sleeping to the sound of waves. So yes, Virginia there is an Innsmouth, and it's pretty damn cool place. Iä Iä Dagon Fhtagn!

Goin’ Down to Innsmouth: The Other Innsmouth(s)

So yes, I said the 'Other Innsmouth'. For those not in the know, HPL based his description of Innsmouth on Gloucester, as well as the nearby port of Newburyport. I wasn't originally planning on going to Newburyport, but as I said, I had a random desire to drive so I went ahead and did it. Drove through various towns in Essex, if I'd had more time and more of a plan I'd have stopped at various museums I passed, along with various cool old buildings. Next time (and yes there will be a next time) I'll have to make more stops.

Got to Newburyport, and I got an odd vibe. Not bad, but definitely more touristy and 'hipsterish' than Innsmouth Prime. Drove around a bit, stopped to find some lunch and a bookstore, found the bookstore but nothing lunchy. Pulled out the Shining Trapezohedron and tried to find a place that didn't charge $20 for a basic cheeseburger. I was not successful. I widened the search and found a place on the way back that looked tasty, didn't use ingredients that I had to google, and was reasonably priced. So I turned back around and found the Choate Bridge Pub. Your basic local place. Got a burger than was perfectly cooked and tasty, fries were good, and the service was great. Definitely worth the driving. Then I decided to go visit yet another Innsmouth...

In the story 'Shadow Over Innsmouth', HPL doesn't say exactly where the town is, but he gives a lot of clues. There's a river, it's near Newburyport and Rowley, it's past Plum Island by some amount, and there's marshland. And I've spent more than a little time on Google Maps trying to puzzle out a location. And as luck would have it, I'm just a smallish drive from the location. So I decide to see if I can get there. So I drive down winding roads, and some nice views of the water...and my GPS says it's right ahead...and there's a sign saying 'No thru traffic, private' and a security guard/suit. Now it could just be a private community, or Innsmouth could have some secrets it wants to keep, even from a cultist like me. So I decided discretion is the better part of valor, so I turned around and drove a bit away to a public beach. Could see part of the community, but not much. Was a really nice view of the water, I will neither confirm or deny the presence of shapes in the water. Also, keeping the location to my self. First Oath of Dagon all that jazz *wink*

From there I headed down to Manchester-by-the-Sea for another bookstore that came well recommended. I also met a very friendly dog and his family. Gave pets, then said something about 'Ok, your Mom has places to go' and she came back with 'Oh no, we go on his schedule'. So more petting was had. *laugh* From the bookstore I headed back to the hotel, and had a quiet night of book, snacks, and early to bed. I had to be up early next day to go sailing.

Goin’ Down to Innsmouth: Chapter Four – The Esoteric Order of Dagon

Friday dawned early. I'd left the balcony door open, and the curtains pulled, and my room faced directly to the east. Not that there was much of a dawn, it was a gray, overcast day. But still enough to wake me up early. Got up, got ready and headed back into Innsmouth proper. I'd looked up parking online, and found a place kind of center. Seemed a better idea to pay for a day's parking vs trying to find parking as I moved around, plus more fun to walk through the old streets and houses. So I did.

There was no plan as I went. I wanted to go to the harbor, and I had some landmarks, and stores I wanted to visit, but I just went as the mood and feet took me. Had breakfast at a crowded little diner called 'Sugar Magnolia'. Omelet (big chunks of tomato and bacon in it), potatoes and toast. Went from there to 'The Bookstore of Gloucester', which was a small but nice little shop with new books. As it my habit, I picked up a book about local history, and some postcards/art cards. Also met the store pup, Finn. A little snow white...something. Cute guy, gave me a sniff, got his pettings, then took his human out to pee (he peed, not the human... I think). I then walked to the harbor, stared out at the water for a long while (I did that a lot this trip). Saw the memorial to all the fishermen who'd died over the years. All the names that are known are written down, going back centuries, up until the 2000s. It's humbling.

On a lighter note, the various kinds of gulls around were yelling at each other, different calls. Really sounded like they were cursing each other out. After the harbor, I walked up though the town going towards one of the landmarks, the Esoteric Order of Dagon Hall (or American Legion Post #3, if you believe in such things). I would say of what I learned there, but I am bound by the Second Oath. Oddly, there's also a statue of Joan of Arc across the street, a memorial to those who fought in WWI. What's funny, I only just realized it was Joan of Arc. I was distracted I guess. From there I went The Sargent House, one of the original fancy homes in town. Old Georgian mansion, which is always a good excuse to get out of the drizzle. The house was built for a Judith Sargent Stevens Murray in 1782, she one was of the early feminists. I showed up just as a tour was starting, so I joined in. Beautiful house, lots of portraits on the walls, very cool furniture, and my fellow tour takers were big art and history nerds from NJ, so they asked tons of questions I didn't think to ask. Some books on display, including a family bible that was epic in size. Of course, it could have also been the Necronomicon, but I wasn't willing to risk it. Historians will have your arm off for offenses like that. If you're in the area, I highly recommend visiting. The tour takes about an hour, and it's worth it. I wonder if the local bus driver comes here a lot...

I'm cutting Friday off here because I've been writing for almost 2 hours, and I'm running out of tentacles. Tune in next time for stories of me semi-randomly going to another Innsmouth, wandering around Essex environs, and maybe actually finding where my port of dreams is...

Goin’ Down to Innsmouth: Chapter Three – The Call of the Deep

I headed back to the hotel, stopping by a local grocery store (Not, sadly of the First National Chain), and picked up snacks. My hotel room had a kitchenette with a fridge, so I got some fruit and cheese along with soda and chips and cookies. I read for a while til dusk set it, then I went for a walk along the private (to hotel guests and people living in the houses in the immediate area.) Sandy beach, like what I grew up with, but with a lot of small/mid sized rocks, well water worn. I'm not sure if that's fill, or that's what was original there and they brought in sand, or what. After a while, I stopped, picked a memorable spot to stow my socks and shoes. got rid of them, and walked down to the surf.

Ye gods and little fishies, it was COLD. I grew up swimming in the Atlantic, but that was a few hundred miles south, and usually later in the year...and oh yeah, not in the evening *laugh* Still, wow. But once the initial shock wore off, and my bones stopped trying to shrink around the pin in my ankle, it felt good. First 1/3rd of my life was spent within easy distance of the ocean, and I miss it. And it felt like I'd come home. I've been to the Atlantic a few times since I moved to Texas, twice in the last few years. But this is the first time I let myself to be in the water, even if it was only up to my calves. Oh, part of me wanted to go swimming. But the wiser part of me remembers that I'm not a great swimmer, that the water was bloody cold, and that swimming at night can be dangerous. Especially if you don't know the water. So ignored the siren call and just stood there. Well, not just stood. I was reminded that even in shallow water like I was in, the Atlantic will move you around. Water flowing over feet will pull sand from under you, and suddenly you're in a hole with an unexpected swelling knocking you over. So think of it as half trancing out to the sound of waves and the feel of water, and half Irish step dancing as you try to keep balance. I could feel all the negative feelings I'd had the last few months drain out. Stress, sadness, anger...all pulled out. I don't care what you believe or don't believe, in moments like that you realize why people have always loved, worshiped and feared the ocean, often all at once. Been a long time since I felt that peaceful about anything.

Stayed out there for a while, eventually decided that the cold was winning out, so I came back on land (with some regrets), listened to the waves for a while longer, then decided the mosquitoes that ignored me in the surf, decided I was fair game on land. So I beat a retreat for for hotel room, where I hid behind a mesh screen and read, finally going to bed with the ocean singing to me live, instead of from the white noise generator playing a recording of the ocean.

I don't recall if I dreamed (any of the nights I was in Innsmouth), but I haven't slept that soundly in forever.

Goin’ Down to Innsmouth: Chapter Two – Dining at the Gilman

[RAW]
Innsmouth is a town of wide extent and dense construction…(Ok, yes I know
it’s Gloucester, but this is my blog, and from here on out it’s getting called
Innsmouth). Lots of older homes and buildings, some new stuff that fits in,
and some stuff that just plain looks weird. The main streets are like
most any street USA, but if go down the side streets it gets kind of…
cramped. Especially since parking is at a premium, so everyone parks at
the curb if possible. Got turned around a bunch, (a common theme) but
finally made it to The Pilot House, which is a strange but cool mix of
American bar food, and Chinese and Japanese Food. I went for the sushi,
my usuals, plus a appetizer that was a mix of spicy tuna, avocado, and rice
with eel sauce, deep fried, with more eel sauce on top. (I’m a huge fan
of the sauce they put on freshwater eel sushi, so this was just heaven)
The waitress was
very friendly and attentive (and pretty darn cute too, nice big eyes), and the food was great. Lots of locals came in to grab take out orders, also a good
sign. I left with leftovers and a very contented stomach.



[/RAW[

Goin’ Down to Innsmouth: The night before

Well, as of about 4:30 CDT, I went into vacation mode. Work notifications are muted, I had a fairly busy day of getting things done, or assigning tasks to other people for when I get back. Also one of my pals at Carcosa is leaving, so me and my fellow admin took him out to lunch. Busy busy cultist today.

I also woke up about 2 hours early. Since I still had packing to do, this ended up being a good thing. Redid the packing, did some around the house stuff, and went to work an hour early. Came home, watched 'Dagon', did some more packing foo, ate dinner. Thinking I'm going to hit the showers soon, then bed with book and early to sleep. Have to be up earlier than normal tomorrow for the fun and games of airport security. I won't be blogging while I'm gone, like the last couple of trips I'm not bringing a computer (or a tablet, just my phone and kindle). I'll probably ramble on Facebook though, I usually do. Then back from Innsmouth on Sunday.

So wish me safe travels, well stocked bookstores, friendly Deep Ones and fine seas. I'll try to not make the change early and swim down to Y'ha-nthlei...but if they've gotten internet you landlubbers may be out of luck *wink*

Goin’ Down to Innsmouth

Been a while since I posted on an actual blog. Part of the problem is I can't just open a term window and post to wordpress, like I used to do on Livejournal. Those were the good ol days. There are tools, but they're way overpowered, have weird access, and well...I'm just paranoid enough to worry about installing strange php scripts on servers. (Yes, I'm talking about wp-cli).

So what's been going on ? I've had some crazy mood/anxiety issues. I'm fighting it, but I'm very tired of fighting. So I'm trying a kind of Iä Cthulhu play, and taking a short vacation this coming week. Flying up to Boston, and from there driving north to Gloucester. Or as I call it, Innsmouth. Grandpa Theobald based his depiction of Innsmouth on Gloucester and the nearby town of Newburyport. So, I'm going to my city of dreams, see the 'Gilman House' and the 'Esoteric Order of Dagon Hall'. I'm also going sailing around Cape Ann on a schooner, and I'll be spending more than a little time in my old friend, the Atlantic. Will only be up there 4 days, but I hope it will be enough to reboot my brainmeats. And if nothing else, I get to check a few items off the bucket list.

Besides brainmeats and Innsmouth, I've been kind of doing the usual. My reading has kind of narrowed down to almost all history. Part of that is coping with mood problems, it's very hard to develop an emotional connection to things that happened 100/1000/2500 years ago. Which is kind of weird, as I've been binge watching 'Babylon 5' the last week or so, which is full of characters I care about. Oh well, it's still fun, even if it's made me want to cry more than a few times.

Also, I've been playing a lot of chess against the Shining Trapezohedron. I've always wanted to be a good chess player. I'm not one. But lately I've found that I can plan further ahead than before. Not much, but enough that I don't have to play the computer on the utter beginner mode, instead 1 level up for beginner. So far I'm batting .500. Which I'll take, and the small endorphin pulse I get from a win, or for even fighting a solid loss.

So, long post short, I'm struggling. But I have plans, and tools, and I'll keep on trying. Hopefully it won't a month and a half before I post again. Ciao cultists.