How am I doing (long post)

I’m not doing so hot. Last night’s maintenance was stressful and ended up having a bunch of issues in the AM, things I was told would just work after reboots. But before that, I went to the pshrink and admitted that my depression cycles are getting worse, my temper is short, and I spend a lot of time thinking about regrets and sad memories. It started during the build up to the anniversary of Mom’s passing, but it didn’t really go away. What really sucks, I looked at my journal entries from a year ago, and it’s like nothing has changed. Same moody, same easily frustrated, same pondering of new monitors. *shakes head* So we’re upping my original med to see if that helps, and I go back in a month (actually 28 days) to see how it’s going. I hate changing meds, as side effect hell is well, hell. But this is a med I’ve been on for years, so upping it shouldn’t cause too many. At least that’s the hope.

Work was insane. Trying to make Sybase databases work, when I have almost no experience with them. I made some progress, but I had to wait on the senior admin to get in to show me how to fix the weird development setup. WHich I ended up arguing with all day on and off. Add to that lack of sleep, and a phone that was in a reboot loop and I was pretty close to having a fit. On the plus side, other than one testy email, no one gave me grief, even got thanks from one of the devs for leaping on to things and fixing them quickly. Was going to leave exactly at 5, but there was one last dev database missing, and since I had it down to a science, I stayed a little late to bring it up. Which verified my notes are good, so I’ll try to write it up in detail tomorrow for the company wiki.

So yeah, I’m very tired, I’m stressed, I’m anxious about tomorrow’s foo, because there’s a ton of servers, and they’re production machines, so not much wiggle room. With the experience last night it should be better, but I’m still worried about a career limiting move. So we’ll see what I can do for better prep tomorrow. Also see if I can beat my phone into submission so it stops rebooting on me. Or contact the seller and get a replacement, since I’m still in the 90 day refurb warranty. But for now I’m going to chill out, got to bed early and hopefully feel better tomorrow.

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