Twas the day before Cthulhumas

And all through the Ch√Ęteau Innsmouth, the shoggoths were stirring, mostly because Vulpine is having a day. No, I'm not turning this into a prose poem. Just feel like talking about the holidays.

They used to be a big thing for me, as a kid/teen. So many memories of putting up the tree with Mom and Dad, laughing at silly stuff and stories, just good stuff. As a teen ager, I started renting REALLY bad movies for Xmas eve as the folks went to bed, starting with 'Rabid Grannies'. It wasn't a Norman Rockwell holiday, but it fit us just fine.

Then Dad died, and the first Christmas after that really kind of made me wish to never here another jingle bell again. The family tradition boiled down to taking Mom out for Xmas eve, or her cooking something. Telling stories, and giving each other presents. Very little 'holiday' in it. Then I met Amythest, a true Christmas Pixie. When we were together, I tried to de-scrooge at least on the outside. Things got easier after we split up, but became friends again. We had our own traditions, including both of us going to visit my Mom, which Mom always liked.

I tried turning the holiday on it's head a little, created my version of Cthulhumas. Cthulhumas Ctharols from the HPLHS, weird cards, reading 'The Festival', finding horror movies either about the holidays, or more enjoyable for me, movies that have weird relations to the holidays. 'Haunting of Hell House' or 'The Amityville Horror', 0 festiveness, 100% happening around the holidays. I'd help Amythest and Nymaz put up a tree, and do outside decorations (something I swore as a kid I'd never do). New traditions, friends, and that sad core in me got smaller...

Then Mom died. And since then the Cthulhumas game isn't as fun, in fact I haven't listened to Cthulhumas Carols this year at all. I've narrowed down my 'holiday' to a few hours with Amythest and Nymaz when they get back in town. And honestly, I'm just hoping I don't have a complete crash tonight. Plans for tomorrow is full on hermiting, probably in a book or 3. Then it's back to work when I have a moderately sized pile of stuff to knock out. So...wish me luck on surviving tonight and tomorrow. And maybe finding a smidge of that old Cthulhumas spirit.

Friday night Fhtagn

Well, it's Friday. I really haven't done much. Woke up after good, if odd dreams and felt really down. Reality not measuring up I guess. After a while, I just went back to bed for a nap. Was in a better frame of mine when I got back up. Decided to avoid leaving the house. Watched 'Alien' and 'Aliens', then switched to 'Jack Frost' aka a serial killer turned snowman...somehow I've missed this gem. Definitely needed the laughs.

I've also been doing the usual updates, and redoing some of them. Seems that there's been multiple kernel releases this week. So I'm reupdating the server updates I did last night. Also fixed one of the honeypot VMs I run, somewhere in there iptables decided to block port 80, and since it's supposed to capture web kind of wasn't doing it's job. Really should probably setup some kind of remote nagios or zabbix so I notice these things.

That's about it for today, going to stay up for a while longer. Looking forward to Saturday celebrating. Oh, figured out when I'm going to see Star Wars VII, Cthulhumas Eve. I really haven't felt much of the season this year, no Cthulhumas Ctharols, only a few presents for people (my favorite part of the holidays is spoiling my friends), and missing Mom. So yeah, I really don't feel either it, either the holidays or the insane version I come up with. I'd say 'screw it' and hermit the holidays, but that would hurt people I care about, and to be objective, it would just make things worse. So I'll play along, and maybe the power of friends will win over depression...No, it will win. Friends are powerful. So thank Cthulhu for friends, and hopefully 2016 won't be anything like 2015. Catch you all later,

Holiday blahs beginning

Been a fair unstable emotional day. Woke up anxious again, fidgeted around the apartment til I decided to head out. Got some nifty chocolate for Amythest, pre-treat for what's probably going to be a rough week for her at work. Headed on down and met up with Nymaz and Amythest. We got out the holiday stuff, she cranked up the music and we got started.

The holidays are always emotional for me...and this is the first one sans Mom. So when I ran into an ornament that reminded me of one we had as a kid, my brain kicked over into sad mode. I miss Mom, and Dad. Glad I was with my musketeers, as they understand things. It got better, but I still was feeling pretty fragile. We got the tree done, and then did the outside lights. Once we got things done I ended up canceling on going to the movies with them, I'm lacking in tentacles, and I honestly didn't want to watch a movie with feelings. They understood, and I headed home. Stopping to get Chinese food.

Now I'm thinking it's bad movies and maybe some geekery tonight. Or early to bed with a book. We'll see. Current mood is quiet, kind of fragile feeling. Oh well, I will get better. I always do. Catch you all later.