Early post with breaking news. This week was allergy testing for Vulpine,
3 days of getting poked with a needle repeatedly to see what made me react.
First day was ‘inhalants’ aka pollen, dander, etc. I responded to
EVERYTHING but cypress trees and sweetgum. I had to ask what a sweetgum
tree looked like. This includes cats and dogs, which made me sad. The
fix…since I’ve been miserable for months on end, I’m taking it up a
level and going with allergy shots. 2 shots, twice a week for a long while.
Not fun, but probably less not fun than allergies year round.
Tuesday and today were tests for food allergies. Long story short, I could
have guessed my one food allergy. Onions. For those new to this blog,
onions have been my green kryptonite…if Superman found green rocks tasty.
So I’ve avoided them, watched what I ate, read labels, asked friends to do
weird things like make guacamole without onions. Never had an official
diagnosis, and assumed ‘intolerance’ rather than ‘allergy’ because my
reactions were always stomach related. Nope, it’s a histamine reaction.
Whoops. So all the time I felt like ‘maybe I’m just being silly’. Nope,
really allergic. Kind of took the wind out of my doctor’s sails, since I
knew all where onions show up in food these days. So yeah, no random food
allergies from the stuff I was tested with. Good to know.
So yeah, I’m allergic to Texas and onions. Nothing really new there, but
I have a plan for the former, and experience fighting the later. Home now,
looking up stuff in Providence for the Necronomicon this August. Yay
food and books and cultists. More ramblings this weekend, when Vulpine
Two posts, one weekend. No, this isn’t the 3rd sign or anything, just
had thoughts in my head and want to get them down on virtual paper.
One, happy Mother’s day to all the mothers out there. I miss my Mom, and
this day is hard for me, but I’m glad for all the mothers out there I know,
especially the ones who think of me as family.
Two, I’ve decided that even though I’m going to be in the current
Château Innsmouth for the next 7-8 months, I’m not going to bother with
trying to reorganize it any further. Instead I’m going to start packing,
at least the stuff I don’t touch on a regular basis. So when I am ready
to move, I’m already 80% packed and ready to go.
Three, dreams last night were mixed to bad. But I did sleep pretty good
otherwise. Had one good dream last night about a secret hidden culture/utopia in the current reality. Then dreams went downhill. Parent dreams, ex-friend dreams (though at least I got a kiss and a hug and a sorry in the dream), then coughing my lungs out. Gave up, got up. Trying to not analyze things. Have a
number of tasks to do today, may attempt to get them done in a little bit.
Going to be a crazy week. Hopefully once I run today’s errands, I can get
back to hermit/chill/vm updates. I can dream at least.
Well, it’s been a week. Not a great week. Last weekend I felt lousy,
had to miss visiting with a friend in from the Bay Area who I haven’t seen
in years. *sad fox* Was out sick Monday, everything felt wrong, so I
mostly just napped. Work was work, patching before a release on Tuesday, aka
how fast can we do this? Pretty darn fast actually. Last night we had
emergency patching for Windows servers due to the latest ransomware BS.
I hate windows. Slept for crap again last night, and I’m feeling pretty
foul today. Stomach is unhappy, lungs are crunchy, and I’m off most of
my allergy meds for the testing next week.
I’m a mess. Also, my insurance denied my first request
for the new depression treatment. Now my doc and my rep are appealing it, and
I know for any expensive treatments insurance will push back hard, but
emotionally this is a hit. We’ll see what happens next week.
So yeah, I’m not doing hot. Mentally/emotionally I’m all over the place.
Physically I covered already. At least I have Cthulhu covering the spiritual
side of things *wink* Mother’s Day is tomorrow, my plan to send out a bunch
of mother’s day cards to people has been delayed, I just really haven’t had
the spoons to write cards. Maybe later today/tomorrow. Not thinking too
much otherwise about tomorrow…hoping there isn’t a ton of emotional
foo, I really don’t have it in me to cope. So here’s to not needing a ton
Not much else going on. Slowly upgrading my VM horde, at least the Ubuntu
ones to 17.04. I need to look at what version of Fedora is default now,
I haven’t checked in a while. And there’s the obvious windows updates.
Plus movies, probably going to stick with favorites vs trying to find
something new. Can’t wait for next weekend and the new ‘Alien’ movie.
I enjoyed ‘Prometheus’ and ‘Alien vs Predator’, so I’m pretty sure I’ll
be a fan.
So, I’ll call this a post. Hopefully next week won’t be as ick as this
last one was, and maybe I’ll even make some process into feeling human
again. Laters gators.
After multiple months of insane body crap, I finally got a referral to an
allergist. Had one already picked out, some friends of mine swear by
him. So I went over this afternoon. Already had my paperwork filled out,
like when a doctor makes it easy to do the stupid stuff quick.
Got the vitals checked, and saw the doctor within 10 min, if not less.
Nice guy, chatty and has a sense of humor. Given my doctor phobia, it’s
good not to stress out on meeting the guy. We went over my history,
my symptoms, what I’ve done, etc. Long story short (seriously, we talked
a long while.) I have allergies from hell. Seriously, I’ve seen less
OMG looks from doctors telling people about cancer. So, it’s not just
basic sniffles and me being a hypochondriac. The down side, besides the
obvious Mt Cedar…it really could be ANYTHING. My vitamins, my diet,
grass, some plant I’ve never heard of, or, more than likely, some combination
of the above. On the plus side, I’m already in a lot of the habits I’ll
need to be to get over this. And the ones he wants me to start aren’t
out there for me. So what’s the plan ?
Week after next I do the full panel of pricks. (laugh, the only way I’m
keeping my sanity is thinking like a 13 year old). 165 of them. But we’ll
find out what all are the problems. If it’s non-food allergies, the next
steps are shots. Lots of shots. But I can handle needs if it helps.
If it’s food allergies, well I change my diet. Which, given my experience
with onions, is far more palatable. I know I can change my diet. It will
suck, but it’s a suck I can control.
So, we’ll see. Until then it’s more crap up my nose, gargling, and a lot
of my current activities. At least I doubt I’m allergic to magnets,
for that would make tomorrow SUCK.
Note: this doesn’t cover my allergist visit, that’s going to be it’s own post at some point when I process that…oy.
So I’ve been kind of vaguebooking about what’s going on with my brainmeats,
at least to most of the public at large. So here’s the skinny. My pshrink
thinks I’m a good candidate for a ‘new’ treatment, Transcranial Magnet
Stimulation or TMS. Basically, they’ve found some people with depression
had neurons that don’t work as they’re supposed to, but with stimulation
from a magnetic field, they can get them to fire normally, correcting the
depression issue. I’ve been reading on the science, and it seems
plausible. Basically, if I qualify (both under insurance and after an
EEG), I’d go for daily magnetic whackings for a period of about 6 weeks.
The downside is it’s crazy expensive, as in if my insurance doesn’t cover
it, there’s no way I can afford it. But, if it’s covered by insurance,
and it does what it says it does, I may have my depression and anxiety in
remission. Note, I didn’t say cured. They don’t say cured. I could need
follow ups, and it’s not a magic pill. But it gives enough hope that I’m
willing to try.
Friday AM I go in for my brain scan, if I get pictures of said brain I’ll
post them. From there, it depends on if I fit the pattern needed, and
if insurance covers it, then it’s a lot of magnetic waves into my brain.
(insert joke about uncovering dormant mental powers) Then…we hope.
I know exactly one person who’s had this treatment, who said it worked until
his insurance screwed him royally. I’m hoping for no insurance screwage.
I’m also hoping that this might just be the light at the end of a very long
tunnel. I’m tired, I’m tired of all the meds, I’m tired of the side
effects, I’m tired of finding myself idly contemplating my own mortality.
(No, not suicidal, don’t worry, just tired). So tomorrow is a first step.
Wish me luck, prayers, crossed anythings, whatever.
Stuff is going on. Had my pshrink visit this week. Trying a new med, and
possibly a new kind of treatment plan. I’m not going into details yet,
mostly because I’m still turning things over in my brain and doing
research. As usual, I’m hopeful and scared to hope at the same time. But
that’s depression in a nutshell.
Work is well, work. Patchfest round one is finished for the quarter.
Round two will be part this week, and part the week after. It’s going
be crazy, but I shall survive. It’s one of those specialty things.
Make all the servers bend to my will, and evolve. Plus I’ll have a number
of other tasks starting next week, but I can get it all done.
Today I went to see some friends. Stupid allergies and nasal drip is
driving me crazy. I need to get the referral to an allergist this
next week, so maybe I can get this under control too. I can dream
at least. But it was good to see people. Social anxiety sucks on top
of everything else I’ve got going on this year. But, I’m in charge of this
damn meat suit, and it will start to fucking listen to me.
Well, that got a little intense. But it’s true. So wish me luck on getting
things back the way I want them. *crosses tentacles*
I keep meaning to blog, but it turns into a complaint fest that I save,
and never get back to. I’m still not feeling good, physically or mentally.
I’ve had stressful work days (still like the job, I work with good people),
computer issues at home, and a whole mess of miscommunications. If I could
pull a mega-hermit and never leave Château Innsmouth, I would be seriously
tempted. But, I can’t, so I won’t. Plus, I do miss my friends, so no
haunted mansions outside of town for me. Glad it’s Friday either way.
Tonight is bad movies and early to bed. Hopefully this weekend will be
a change of mood, and next week will be better. I can dream at least.
Well it’s another week, and I’m not doing so hot. Had a relapse after last
weekend, doctor called in new antibiotics which have helped. But I still
feel pretty lousy. My lungs are really tight, I’ve been using the inhaler
a bunch. It helps, but I have a feeling I need to find a respiratory
specialist and get my lungs really checked out. Along with an allergist,
and possibly a full body transplant specialist. So if anyone is experimenting with building cyborgs, I may be your guinea pig.
I worked from home Mon-Wed. I was told rather firmly to go home since I
sounded like a TB ward. I got stuff done, but I still feel like a slacker.
*sigh* Oh, I haven’t mentioned it, but I have a new boss. Nothing bad,
just some reshuffling above my level. Going to actually meet the guy
(he works out of Atlanta, soon to be Tennessee) next week. I do kind of
like having remote managers, less of the insanity of a former employer.
Plus, me and my team mates just work well together, no real need for a
day to day watch over us kind of guy.
Due to the relapse, I’ve mentally canceled most of my weekend plans. Not
sure I want to leave the house, not sure I’ll be able to do all the chores
that are backed up either though. I really don’t know. I’m going to try
to get at least the minimum I need for survival, if I can do more, I will,
and if I can’t…well *throws tentacles in the air*
Mental health is…poor. Mom’s anniversary of her passing is next weekend,
and I’ve had lots of reminders of things in the last couple of weeks. The
pneumonia is definitely NOT helping. (Her death, for those who don’t know,
was due to a bout of pneumonia). Add to that the world news lately, and
personal issues I don’t want to go into on here, I’m really not a happy
fox. Seriously, I think the only reason I haven’t had a full on meltdown
is I’m going numb before it happens. Hiding in books, in movies. I have a
pshrink visit in a few weeks, and I sense we’ll be changing things.
In regards to the new news on Livejournal, I’m honestly not sure I give a
darn. Not that I particularly trust the Russian Federation, but there
really isn’t anything on there I’m concerned about. On the other tentacle,
they’re no longer using SSL. That’s bad, m’kay. I even tried to force it,
nope redirect to port 80. Not sure how much I want to go to DW. I already
have a blog, and I have a sort of copy of all my posts on LJ. But since
I don’t really have the tentacles to cope with a decision, I’m not going
to make one just yet.
So what am I going to do this weekend? Besides at least the bare minimum
of chores, I’m watching movies. Specifically right now ‘The Void’, which
I’ve been waiting for with major anticipation. I also picked up both
‘Alien vs Predator’ movies on bluray to complete my current collection. So
maybe Aliens marathon tomorrow, or something else. Or I may just read
all the books. I really am just going to try to relax, hopefully my lungs
will feel better, and I’ll be in a better place come Monday. I can dream
Well yesterday I went on a Sci-Fi fest with Amythest and Nymaz. Went to see
‘Ghost in the Shell’ and ‘Life’. So I thought I’d throw together some
I’m not going to comment on the various controversies about ‘Ghost in the
Shell’. Just going to describe what I saw. It’s a very stylistic, cyber
punky movie. Shiny and grimy at the same time. Scarlett Johansson looks
really good as the Major, but her acting was very cyborgish. The various
anime versions of the Major shows her with snark and emotions. The
plot is a mix of the original GitS and Stand Alone Complex, with some
added backstory that really wasn’t necessary. On the plus side, the
effects are good, and the action scenes are dynamic. And since I have
a major crush on ms Scarlett, even if her acting was kind of wooden, it was
enjoyable to watch. Glad I saw it on the big screen, and I’ll probably pick
it up on dvd/bluray, but if I’m wanting a cyberpunk fix, I’ll probably
turn to ‘Stand Alone Complex’ or the original movie (which I’m watching now).
3 out of 5 ghosts in the machine.
Then we went to see ‘Life’. Now this was a fun movie. Alien life form
examined on the ISS. Alien life form runs amok, fun is had. Unlike
‘Prometheus’ the scientists don’t make completely stupid decisions. They
make mistakes, but they’re understandable ones. None of the characters are
‘mad scientists’, and are all pretty likable. The monster is shoggoth-y
and the CGI was very well done. There’s even a Lovecraft shout out in
the beginning, which made me a very happy cultist. Lots of ‘Alien’ themes,
and some ‘The Thing’ flavors, but with it’s own way of doing things. It’s
also pretty bleak, as most good SciFi/Horror is, keep in mind. Will
definitely watch repeatedly once I have it in my hot little pseudopods.
I think it gets 5 out of 5 flailing pseudopods.
So that’s Vulpine at the movies. Had a good time, even if I wasn’t feeling
too good. Hopefully next weekend I’ll get to see another Lovecraftian
flick, ‘The Void’. If not, it will be on DVD soon. Ok, catch you all later.
It’s April Fool’s Day. Been caught at least twice, possibly I should just
avoid the internets today. Oh well.
Was kind of a rough week, still feeling puny, work has ramped up my meeting
queue, and I’ve been kind of flailing around trying to get stuff done. Glad
it’s the weekend though. Today is movie theater day, going to see ‘Ghost
in the Shell’ then ‘Life’ this evening to celebrate Nymaz spawning day
(early, since the poor viking is stuck on call on his actually spawning
weekend). There will also be general hangout time, and dinner at a diner
we all like by the movie theater. Omelet for days, and maybe even pie.
Still coughing up shoggoths, still feeling less than good. I’m hoping
it’s just my lungs clearing with a side of allergies redux. But there
may be yet another doctor visit coming up, as this is utterly miserable.
Otherwise, things are ok. Double-checked vacation approval with my boss’s
boss. Wasn’t ‘worried’ but I wanted to make sure it was cool up the chain.
I also found a reason to adjust my pre-Providence travels. Kirk Hammett,
along with being a guitarist, is a major horror collector. So a museum in
Salem is doing a exhibit of some of his stuff. And since I’m flying into
Boston, I may have to make a side trip up to Salem the day I fly in. (on
top of visiting old Ironsides and the Boston Aquarium, maybe driving
to the Atlantic shore…) Really, I need to make a separate trip to Boston
in the future, lots of things I want/need to see with adult eyes. Oh well,
that’s what 2018 is for.
What’s up in cultist ville? Books, including finishing the late John
Glasby’s ‘Dark Armageddon’ trilogy. The series is about humans trying to
survive when the stars come right. It’s very Brian Lumleyesque, but I’ve
always liked Glasby’s writing. He doesn’t reinvent anything, or won’t take
home the gold in Cthulhu writing, but he does right solid, readable, enjoyable
tales that scratch that tentacle itch.
Also, remember ‘Winter Tide?
Book freedom day is this Tuesday. It should be in your local brick+mortar
stores, as well as findable at your online bookplace of choice, plus
there’s always I’ve got the Kindle edition preordered, and I’ll be at
the local B&N on Tuesday to get my hardback edition. April has a lot
of preorders coming out, so it will be a good reading month.
Also, speaking of Lovecraft, next weekend is the release date for
Lovecraftian film, that has people/shoggoths/mi-go all abuzz. (literally
when you mention the later). It will be showing in DFW at one of the
Alamo Drafthouses, and I’m looking to go see it on the big screen. (then
of course, pick it up on bluray afterwards).
Ok, that’s enough rambling for today. Wish me luck on good movie sign,
and feeling better, and I’ll ramble later.