Change for the better

I was feeling quite blue today, no real big reason, just feeling a little useless, and out of sorts. Then I was reminded that I work in a (fun kind of) looney bin. One of the developers decided on a whim to dye his goatee blue. And on our internal chat channel, me and another developer shared a brain and both commented about using the blood of smurfs to dye it with. It’s nice to work with people who are as nuts as me. Also, boss is in town, and took us out for tacos. Yay free lunch.

The other big mood reset was I went back and read my offline journal for last year, for the 3 months around when I quit the Shoggoth Pit. July through September. And it sunk in how utterly miserable I was there, the stress, the ex-boss from hell, along with trying to rebuild my life after Mom’s passing. I’m kind of surprised that I didn’t end up in a psych ward by late August. There was a lot of ick in those entries. But I do remember one thing, towards the end, when I’d already written out my plan to deass the job (aka Operation: Leng), I wrote something in the vein of ‘My dream is to be in a better place by next year, financially, professionally, etc’. And here it is, 9 months later and I’ve got a good job where I feel appreciated (and get paid pretty well), I don’t dread every morning, nor do I have horrible dreams every night. It’s not all rainbows and unicorns, but so what ? I’m actually comfortable enough to say to my pshrink ‘Ok, things aren’t as good as they could be…what can help?’ vs my traditional ‘it’s working well enough, don’t change’. And that means a lot.

So yeah, I’m doing better. It’s good when I can catch myself, and reset before I spiral way down. I’m also glad I took that leap 9 months ago, even if it scared the fhtagn out of me, and there were a bunch of times that I thought I’d screwed up royally by leaving the ‘Pit. But I didn’t, and things got better, and life got better, and huzzah for me and stuff.

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