I was feeling quite blue today, no real big reason, just feeling a little useless, and out of sorts. Then I was reminded that I work in a (fun kind of) looney bin. One of the developers decided on a whim to dye his goatee blue. And on our internal chat channel, me and another developer shared a brain and both commented about using the blood of smurfs to dye it with. It's nice to work with people who are as nuts as me. Also, boss is in town, and took us out for tacos. Yay free lunch.
The other big mood reset was I went back and read my offline journal for
last year, for the 3 months around when I quit the Shoggoth Pit. July
through September. And it sunk in how utterly miserable I was there,
the stress, the ex-boss from hell, along with trying to rebuild my life
after Mom's passing. I'm kind of surprised that I didn't end up in a
psych ward by late August. There was a lot of ick in those entries.
But I do remember one thing, towards the end, when I'd already written out
my plan to deass the job (aka Operation: Leng), I wrote something in the
vein of 'My dream is to be in a better place by next year, financially,
professionally, etc'. And here it is, 9 months later and I've got a good
job where I feel appreciated (and get paid pretty well), I don't dread
every morning, nor do I have horrible dreams every night. It's not all
rainbows and unicorns, but so what ? I'm actually comfortable enough to
say to my pshrink 'Ok, things aren't as good as they could be...what can help?'
vs my traditional 'it's working well enough, don't change'. And that means
So yeah, I'm doing better. It's good when I can catch myself, and reset
before I spiral way down. I'm also glad I took that leap 9 months ago,
even if it scared the fhtagn out of me, and there were a bunch of times
that I thought I'd screwed up royally by leaving the 'Pit. But I didn't,
and things got better, and life got better, and huzzah for me and stuff.