State of the fox

Well, I had a rough night last night. Talked to Amythest and got a shower and went to bed with a book as normal. All as normal. Turned out the lights, curled up in bed…and my brain slammed into overdrive thinking all kinds of negative thoughts. Trapsing through my past and all kind of mistakes I’ve made, people I’ve hurt, decisions I’ve regretted. And nothing seemed to snap me out of it. Nothing I was looking forward to, nothing happy. Ugg, I hate my brain. Finally I got up, made myself go take a xanax to slow my spinny brain, and I ate some chips and read some more til things got fuzzier. Got to sleep, and I slept okish. Had better dreams, weird ones, like I was trying to wake Cthulhu via a Rube Goldbergian device involving blankets and a hand grenade. No, I don’t know what that means, other than I’d like Cthulhu up and moving around.

Got up, took a while to get moving. Got to work late, but I got breakfast as well, hashbrowns fix things. Work was…challenging. Mostly not directly involving me, but frustrating. Not going into it. On the plus side, 3 month anniversary (or half way done with the contract). Went to Walmart at lunch, because I knew I’d be lacking in energy by going home time, and I needed to get away a bit. Weird Wally World, my large amount of eggs started the cashier on a conversation about flatulence… why me ? Came back to work, ended up cutting up one of the packs of eggs for lunch using my multitool. That’s probably a sign it’s a challenging day. Finally left late (making up for longer lunch than usual, and being late), came home to find that half the parking lot is blocked off. Oh yeah, I remember now. Have to leg it across the complex to Ch√Ęteau Innsmouth, put up groceries and decide that no, Mac & Cheese is too much of an energy investment. Nuke food it is.

Tonight, I have no idea what’s the plan? I’m more than a little worried about sleep, given last night’s thought processes. I’m going to see about trying to get things on a more positive keel before bed, even if I wasn’t too negative before the lights went out. I don’t know, hopefully I can work something out. At least I get donuts tomorrow. Wish me luck on tonight.

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