Just got the call I’ve been dreading for weeks. And no reason to keep things secret, Kristell/Amythest is not going to get better. The stroke she had a few weeks ago was one of several, and basically the best prognosis is that she’ll stay the way she is, which has been non-responsive. So instead of slow improvement, it’s slow decline. Her sister signed the DNR order. Now we have to wait til she is gone.

We were supposed to be in the old folks home together causing mischief. Movies to see, another trip to NYC. Hugs. She’s always had my back, always forgiven me when I screwed up. And she’s never coming back.

At least when I talked to her last, on that amazingly shitty day, when she couldn’t say where she was, she knew who I was, she knew and understood when I said I love you, and could say it back. So at least our final words to each other were those.

No, I’m not ok. No I won’t be ok any time soon. No, you can’t help right now. No, you don’t have to worry about me doing something stupid right now. Yes, if I think of something I’ll ask. And no, I can’t take time off yet, will tell my boss and team what’s up tomorrow. Who knows, maybe they’ll cut me loose because I’ll probably not be working my best.