Well it’s the weekend again, so it means I should throw some words on virtual
paper. Get the brainmeats out of the way quick, being back on seroquel
means I’m sleeping more/better, but my anxiety is still way out there.
(not expecting immediate fix, I know better). Depression lurks in a ninja
kind of way, I see good things, I feel good things, but it leaps out every
now and again in a nihilistic kind of way that reminds me that I’m still rather
broken. But I’ve been broken before, and I’ve put myself together,
repeatedly. I am a New Yorker after all, we’re survivors.
So enough strum und drang. What is best in life Vulpine? Well, I’m not
Conan, so lets start with books. Been reading a bunch of old school Mythos
still. Got a pile of other stuff to read, but other than a little history
it’s all tentaclular horrors. Listened/ing to a few books by Charlie
Stross to get in the mood for his latest Laundry File book next month.
Not the whole series, just enough to get back in the series. So many books,
so little time.
Went to see ‘The Mummy’ today. A solid bit of cheese, with a side of ham
from Russell Crowe. Yes it could have been much better, but it still was
fun and Sofia Boutella was a nice mix of creepy, evil, and lovely. Plus,
she was literally covered in hieratic script, so a walking book. Sign me
up for the cult please. *grin* Also, for any Lovecraftians who’ve seen it, did anyone look at the red jewel McGuffin and think ‘Shining Trapezohedron’ ? Or was that just me trying to make everything into a Mythos reference
What will I do tomorrow? Probably just chores and stuff. Been meaning to
clean up the bedroom for months now, may just pop an audiobook or podcast
in and spend a while in there trying to get things organized. This is
alongside a store run, laundry and similar stuff, so I may set reasonable
goals instead. Assuming I don’t just hide in bed with a book, or within
a movie marathon of cheese and gore. We’ll see. For now though, going to
call this a post before it’s technically Sunday. Laters cultists.
More brainmeats foo. Things got worse after Saturday, mood majorly
dropped, anxiety went through the roof. Toughed it out for a few days and
then called my pshrink, who was able to fit me in today. We talked a bit,
and long story short, I’m going back on the seroquel, though a lower dose
to start. Hopefully this will help me feel a little better, help me
sleep through the night and to not be so stressed and frazzled during the
day. Trying to be hopefully about this, but to be honest I’m pretty sans hope
feeling right now, hope and cope are in short supply. Maybe tomorrow will be
better when I wake up.
Another week, another post. A happier post I think, which is always good.
Mood has slowly crept out of the potato layer this week, it really didn’t
hit a noticeable crest til I hung out and planned part of the Alaska cruise
with Amythest and Nymaz Thursday night. I actually felt excited over
something besides sleep. I also worked on some maintenance last night, and
I while I got stressed, it never became a real problem, I just kept chugging
along and making stuff work. (I also managed to finish one project, and
get to about 80% done on another today.)
I don’t have any real weekend plans, and I kind of want it that way. I
don’t want to go to sleep thinking “I have to do X,Y, and Z before doing
A,C and Q. Instead, I’ll do what I want to do, with the only ‘needs’ are
the usual chores around the house. I’ve spent tonight watching comfort
movies, and I’ve run the dishwasher, and that’s about it. Probably going
to go to bed early (for a Friday) with book, and catch up on the sleep I
didn’t get last night.
So what are my options tomorrow? Full on hermit, quasi hermit and go
raid a bookstore or two and get some food, maybe some chores, maybe not.
There’s geek projects a plenty here at Château Innsmouth, along with
apartment rearranging if I feel spry. Or I could spend the day catching
up on the books I’ve been meaning to read. Hopefully there are no emergencies
or crisis foo. Just rest and chill. And tentacles, maybe a squidgirl film
and tasty noms. Wish me luck.
If you follow me on Facebook, you’ve already seen most of this.
It’s not been a good week. I had a near breakdown this week. I think I’ve
tapered off my old med too fast, and between stress from helping a friend,
bad sleep, fretting over the bill from my dental emergency and work, and the combination became a ‘perfect storm’ and
well, I went pretty far down. I’m better now, functioning if not great.
Little better each day, but still I have to fight the depression at least
once or twice a day. It was bad enough I found reading to be tedious,
and that’s one of those great signs that something is wrong.
But, on the plus side, I managed to not call in with ennui once this
week. I’ve gotten stuff done, if not as much as I’d (or my work) would
like. I’ve also found reading to be easier and more entertaining, reading
classics like Lovecraft and Brian Lumley (the first modern day mythos
writer I ever read). I’m sleeping better, not great but better. The plan
is to try tapering off again when I’m under less stress. When that will
be? I dunno. One tentacle at a time and all that.
So, it’s the weekend. And payday. Weekend plans are more friend helping,
but nothing crazy like last weekend. Also, I’m probably going to go see
‘Wonder Woman’ because, it looks like a whole lot of fun. Tonight is
watching ‘Life’ again, it’s currently on and it’s a lot of fun (for values
of pentapods destroying humanity). Will probably stay up kind of late and
try to regenerate tentacles with movies and geeking, then probably more
Lumley or similar reading, and sleeping in if I can. Wish me luck, both
with sleep and with getting better.
3.5 day weekend. (Boss’s boss told us we could cut out at 2pm, as long
as someone was available for coverage) Came home, been watching movies
and watching the alert system and company chat software. Haven’t even
fired up the VM I use to access work. My kind of start to a long weekend.
Head is healing nicely, went back by the dentist yesterday to verify crown
coloring, and I got a 5 min exam. I’m healing nicely, not in much pain at
all, all is going ok right now. So that’s a plus. Speaking of medical
foo, I never mentioned how the insurance foo with the TMS worked out. The
answer is no, I don’t get it. They worked it into a Catch-22 situation
that I’m not ever going to qualify for. So, I’ve conceded that fight,
luckily my new med is doing a decent job all things considered. Also,
speaking of medical foo, I start my allergy shots come Tuesday AM. That’s
going to be a ton of fun, but if it helps my crazy sinuses, I’ll take it.
Glad I’m not afraid of needles.
Weekend plans are vague, usual Friday night hermiting. Tomorrow and
Monday I’m spending part of it helping Amythest with the yearly packing of
the classroom. Sunday is probably another hermit/chores day. Nothing wild
or crazy, but that’s ok. Quiet really does sound good right now. And with
that, I’ll settle down to some horror movies and relaxing. Catch you all
Well this week has been pretty bonkers. I’ve taken the last 3 days off from
work due to exhaustion and queasiness. Antibiotics and me are not friends
when it comes to stomach issues. This is definitely going to mess with
my summer vacation plans *sad fox* Speaking of messing with vacation plans,
I got a letter from the passport office, my birth certificate isn’t good
enough, it seems to be lacking in my parental information. So I just spent
$70 to get an expedited copy from New York for this insanity. So add
stressed to the list.
My pshrink visit was today, and I got it crossed with tomorrow. Luckily they
were nice and fit me in. Things are going ok, with the assumptions that
this last week was a bit of a fluke. The new med seems to be working ok,
so lets hope it lasts.
Mood is a little better, going to make solid, non pasta food for dinner,
which I hope will help things more. Watching ‘Angels and Demons’, because
who doesn’t need a symbolist saving the day. Hopefully tomorrow is good
and decent things.
Well, my dental emergency was 7 shades of hell. 2 root canals, and multiple
root extractions. I was in the chair for almost 5 hours. The staff were
all nice people, they were liberal with Novocain, and no judgment on
how lousy my teeth are. Even with all that, it was pretty damn horrible.
I even started wondering if I’d died, and this was some version of hell.
It wasn’t, but still. Oy. Also, majorly expensive since my dental insurance
sucks. Definitely wasn’t fun
Afterwards I got my post-op medications (pretty wimpy pain meds, but they’re
doing the job for the most part. I also went to the store for ‘soft foods’
which my pantry was in short supply of. One plus, I may be developing a taste
for yogurt. I’ve been off work the last two days, I’ve slept most of the
time. I really am depressed though, I’m tired of medical mayhem. I miss
my parents right now. I’m sick of adulting, and I’m not all that good at
So yeah, not doing so hot. It will pass as I heal up. 3 day weekend coming
up. Hopefully by then I’ll be more or less back to normal. I can dream
at least. At least my dreams have been ok, weird, but ok. Talk to you later
Wake up, my right lower jaw is swollen and I’m in pain. Dental abscess is my $.20 diagnosis. I hate going to dentists, they scare me (bad experience as a young spawn). But, I have to do something. Luckily there’s an emergency dentist that’s open Sundays. Will give them a call when they open and see if they can fit me in. I’m mildly freaked out here…but the adult logical part of my brain says I’ll probably just get xrays, antibiotics to kill the infection, and pain meds so I don’t kill my liver with Tylenol. Then later the really scary stuff.
This really has been the month of medical insanity. Brain scan, allergy testing, insurance denial, and now dentists. I probably should try to get in to see the eye doctor next week to complete the set, and see how borked my finances are at that point. *sigh*
Any spare good/calm/painless thoughts or prayers would be accepted. I’m already on my anxiety meds , but this is a tad more than your basic stressors. *sigh*
Back from ‘Alien: Covenant’. Quick review, it’s not bad. It’s not great, it’s not spectacular, but if you came for face hugs and chest bursts and general mayhem, you won’t be terribly disappointed. Could have used some peppier mid movie foo (kind of dragged), and people would have been just fine if they just stuck to the program, but people making bad decisions = a horror movie. Otherwise, it’s a travelogue. 3.5 out of 5 xenomorphs, and I’ll be buying it on bluray/dvd when it comes out.
And it’s Friday. Thank Cthulhu. Not a bad week, but tiring. Allergy
testing was…prickly. Work is work, I’m behind because I’ve been very
distracted, I may log in this weekend and work a few hours on one of my
projects to make up for things. Not that would be such a trial, I’d just
crank up some Cthulhu music and try to get creative.
Weekend plans otherwise, going to see ‘Alien: Covenant’ tomorrow. I’ve heard
some unhappy fans already, but I think I’ll be fine with it. I’m that rare
breed who liked ‘Prometheus’ and found it worth repeat viewings. Will be
seeing it with friends, yay friends and Xenomorphs. Otherwise I have chores
to do, books to read, geeking to geek and bad movies to watch.
Not much else to talk about. Decided to stay up late tonight and watch movies,
yay for cheese. Oh yeah, and mac and cheese for a late night snack. My sleep
is kind of loopy lately. Oh well, I should sleep ok tonight. If nothing
else, I can sleep in tomorrow if I feel like it. Night all.